Tales of Summer

Happy Holidays

2008-12-25T08:19:00.000-05:00

I'm still here.

2006-12-08T12:55:00.000-05:00

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

He really isn't that smart

2006-12-08T11:07:00.000-05:00

Since some inconsiderate bastard decided it would be funny when my mother is practically on her deathbed to hack my site - we're going to be here on Blogger again.

The joke is on him though. He wasn't that good. He left a trail. And he will be hearing from the authorities soon.

Thanks for stopping by...

2006-06-23T16:46:00.000-04:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

I'm not here anymore. I'm now on my own website.... joeydestino.com

Please update your blogrolls, or your bookmarks, and most importantly, follow me on over.

Thanks!
jd

Au Revoir et Bienvenue

2006-06-20T08:31:00.000-04:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

What are you doing here? Go here:

JoeyDestino.com

Time to give it up

2006-06-19T06:04:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is the first day of summer. How more appropriate for what I am about to do.

This is the last official post on this blog. Blogger's been good to me, but as Kathy Griffin would say, it's like someone I slept with too soon. Only there for its needs. Never considering my feelings. Never keeping it up when I need it the most.

Summer. How ironic I guess. How many times have I said goodbye in summer?

Well the astute among you who commented on the last post, which I forgot to delete, probably figured it out. This is the end.

So adios blogger. It was fun, but I know how to quit you. Tomorrow. Come back here. And I'll tell you where to go.

Tomorrow. Summer. My blog on my own website!!!

tes

2006-06-17T22:14:00.000-04:00

test

Is this apology from Macy's enough?

2006-06-15T15:48:00.000-04:00

rainbowflagsunset
Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

From MACY'S EAST CHAIRMAN & CEO RON KLEIN
To the members of the GLBT Community:

My appreciation goes to In Newsweekly for giving me the opportunity to shed some light on a very troublesome week in Boston.

First, let me stress that Macy's commitment to diversity and to the GLBT community is unwavering. Our history is rooted in inclusiveness, and it is a core principle of Macy's.

I do recognize, however, that during Boston Pride Week, our actions did not appear to support that commitment. Every one of us in the Macy's family sincerely regrets that what we had genuinely intended to be a celebration of Gay Pride Week became the center of a controversy.

For many years, our company has dedicated a window in our Downtown Crossing store in Boston to Pride Week, and we did so enthusiastically again this year.

When the controversy arose over the content of our display, the decision was made to maintain the display with no changes. We wanted to stand firm in our support of Boston Pride Week and the GLBT community - just as we always have.

Unfortunately, as sometimes happens in large organizations, a miscommunication occurred and the controversial mannequins were removed. Again, they were not removed because of pressure - but because of an internal breakdown in communication. Macy's mistake - unquestionably.

Some can also call our decision not to return the mannequins to the window a mistake. Historically, our windows dedicated to causes and celebrations have always been executed through the use of text and props such as posters. We traditionally do not feature mannequins in these "community windows" because the introduction of merchandise has no role in our tributes.

I would ask the GLBT community to consider all that we did do - and have done - for Pride Week and the GLBT community. We did feature the Pride Week calendar of events in our window; we have done so for many years and are committed to doing so in the future. We hope the GLBT community will look past one element in a window display and recognize the exemplary record Macy's has in support of diversity and the GLBT community. We are one of the most supportive companies in the country to our GLBT employees, including many members of senior management, as well as, vendors, and customers. Our annual support of Pride Week in Boston and in other cities across the country should clearly demonstrate our commitment.

Am I regretful that Macy's made a mis-step in this instance? Yes. I am also regretful that some may question our commitment to the GLBT community based on this incident.

However, I am hopeful that Macy's long track record of support for inclusion and diversity will be remembered by the GLBT community and will be a strong counterbalance now that the facts are known.

As a Macy's employee, I am proud that our company supports and marches in Pride parades in Boston, Atlanta, Minneapolis, St. Petersburg, Seattle, and New York City (where I have personally marched for several years). I am proud of Macy's participation in AIDS walks in Los Angeles, San Francisco, Atlanta, Miami and New York City. I am proud of Macy's Passport fashion event, held in San Francisco and Los Angeles, that has raised $21 million for HIV/AIDs research since 1988. I am proud of Macy's 86 ranking in the Human Rights Campaign Corporate Equality Index - the second-highest ranking possible. And I'm proud of all the community partnerships, events, awards programs, marketing campaigns, recruiting efforts, and education and awareness programs undertaken by Macy's with and for the GLBT community.

I can tell you with deepest sincerity that Macy's commitment to diversity and to the GLBT community always will be an important part of our company and our community outreach.

So.

I don't know. I question why it took so long to respond. If they were truly sincere, the apology, and a replacement of the mannequins should have happened last week. Did it take seeing a loss of income coupled with protestors outside the stores and a lot of bad press to get the spin doctors in place?

Sorry. There's a bad taste in my mouth over this. My money is still going to go elsewhere for now until more is done. What say you?

I will not disappear.

2006-06-07T14:09:00.000-04:00

A letter to Christine Stewart, Customer Service Specialist, Macy's; copied to terry.lundgren@federated-fds.com, thomas.cody@federated-fds.com, thomas.cole@federated-fds.com, janet.grove@federated-fds.com, susan.kronick@federated-fds.com, ronald.tysoe@federated-fds.com, karen.hoguet@federated-fds.com, kimberly.reason@macys.com, lisa.kauffman@macys.com, ellen.fruchtman@macys.com,
elina.kazan@macys.com,
ronnie.taffet@macys.com

Dear Ms. Stewart,

I was extremely saddened to learn of the decision of the Boston Macy's store to
remove part of it's Pride window display. Once I heard this, I sought out
before and after pictures of the display to see where the controversy stemmed. I fully expected to see that the display included some graphic sexual reference. This was not the case. What I saw was two men, not touching, just standing there. One man of color, and one man with a pride flag wrapped around his waist such as one would do with a jacket.

My how offensive that is!

Well. I m offended. As a gay man who spends a lot of his disposable income at
Macy's - who has always touted its diversity - I am heartily offended. I will not be spending any further money at any Macy's store or its parent company stores until an apology is sent to the gay community. Neither will any of my friends once they hear of this. Nor will my co-workers who were shocked when I showed them this as well.

What saddens me most, is the slap in the face to your gay employees. There are quite a few in case you didn't know.

Well, the story is on Andy's site --> towleroad

I know, I know. Joey isn't exactly an activist. But with Republicans who publicly state the DOMA is the most important thing this country has to worry about, and the fact that a few right-wing wingnuts can push a little and get something like this to happen, well it just pisses me off and I am tired of it.

I WILL NOT DISAPPEAR!!!!

(I never thought I would hear myself say this...
I'm here. I'm gay. Get used to it. )

Solidarity

2006-06-01T12:31:00.000-04:00

A meme worth participating in.

This photo is from Kelly Stern at Rambling along in life. He has asked us to commemorate the Stonewall Riots by posting his photo.

Please visit his blog and read his awesome post.

Solidarity. It happened at Stonewall. Why can't it happen now? As Kelly says "Pride is not all about nekkid men and getting crazy,
but what has happened in our history...lets not forget..."

I can't get it up

2006-05-30T21:28:00.000-04:00

Yeah well it's not my fault. If my BF would leave me alone for awhile I might have gotten the server up.

I'm trying to install WordPress, and for someone that does software for a living, I have to tell these developers - If you make it idiot-proof, only I will use it.

So we're just going to keep chatting here for a bit longer.

So. What's new. Hmmm. Well, we opened the house at the shore this weekend. There's lot's to talk about there. The Season is here and I am ecstatic! More this week....

I saw Ms. Novak this weekend too. There's a surf stroll talk coming too...

Mikey's having a birthday! Go over and wish him well --> Temporary Trouble Spots

Well I have to get back to work on this software. It's hard to get it up. Some days anyway.

Patience my pretty

2006-05-18T07:21:00.000-04:00

So where has Joey been?

Well it's going to be a wee bit longer. Joey has been working on his new site! My own domain. My own server. Hittin' the big time. Movin' on up. To the East Side. A dee-lux server in the sky-i-i.

So go check out the lovely folks on the blogroll, and come back here Memorial Day for instructions on how to find the further adventures of me, my guy, my dog, my too cute to be straight neighbor, and life in general.

See you cats on the flip side!!!

ps: WordPress or Moveable Type? or some other CMS? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

pps: Stephen, congratulations on your Tony nomination!!!! Woohoo! You go boy!

How I Spent My Easter Vacation (Part3) , by Joey

2006-05-08T07:46:00.000-04:00

I was holding on to his legs but there wasn't an ounce of anything other than fear. He was moving around a lot above me, and the ladder was shaking like crazy. Not a big fan of heights, I was hanging on to him more out of sheer panic than anything else.

Then it happened. HSNB's ass was glowing. A light was shining around it like a halo. Now one would think in a situation like this, that a miracle was occurring. Well it was sort of a miracle I guess. One of our neighbors had seen what was going on, and came out with a flashlight. The miracle was that it was him, and not the police.

"You guys need some help?" the neighbor asked.

Over the course of the next few minutes, this neighbor had produced a screwdriver and a t-shirt for HSNB. He was able to climb the ladder himself, and pull out the screen using only the screwdriver (Sigh. I'll never be butch). HSNB was able to get into his house, take his insulin, and put on a pair of shorts.

The three of us sat in his living room, while he told the story to our neighbor (who even now a week later laughs his head off everytime he sees HSNB). The neighbor finally left, and HSNB drifted off to sleep on his couch. Once I knew he was settled, I left as well. Better to let sleeping princes lie.

How I Spent My Easter Vacation (Part2) , by Joey

2006-05-05T11:45:00.000-04:00

When last we left our intrepid hero, he was standing outside a mostly naked Hot Straight Neighbor Boy's townhouse at about 4 in the morning on Easter Sunday, about to commit the crime of Breaking and Entering...

"You want to do what? Are you crazy? How the hell are we going to break into your house?” I asked, thinking at any moment now I would wake up safe in my own bed.

"Well I never lock my bedroom windows. You just need to climb up, pull out the screen, and slide right in to my bedroom," he replied. The look on his face was as if he had just casually mentioned how nice the weather was. A thousand thoughts were going through my mind at that moment. We're going to be killed. We're going to fall. The cops will come and shoot us off the side of the building. We'll...and then it hit me.

"What do you mean I'll climb up?"

"I can't climb up there. I'm only wearing underwear!” he retorted.

Considering the gravity of the situation, I did exactly what you would expect. I seemed to notice for the first time that evening, the brand of underwear he was wearing, and how nicely it fit. Hey just because I'm about to break into my neighbor's house doesn't mean I wasn't gay any longer! Of course I looked. Wouldn't you?

"Alright,” I said, "But how am I going to get up there?"

"You've got a ladder in your shed, remember?"

To make a long story short, I went over to my house and as quiet as I could, I retrieved my ladder. The fact that none of my neighbors woke up when I rammed it into the wall, or when I fell over the neighbor kid's sandbox (yelling words that would make my mother blush), is just amazing.

So at HSNB's direction, I got the ladder into position, and made the climb. Did I mention I'm afraid of heights? When I got up to the window, I realized that there is a screen in front of our windows and they can only be removed from inside the room. I called down to him in a stage whisper to let him know this. I looked down and he wasn't there.

Okay, I know I've watched too many horror movies, but at that moment I just knew he was dead down there somewhere and if I went back down the ladder there he would be. Dead on the ground. Blood everywhere. So I did exactly what the protagonist should do. I called his name, quietly so as to not waking anyone up. No answer. Then I felt the ladder shake and I realized someone was climbing up.

It was him of course. And he had a knife. No, wait, that isn't a knife. It's a small spade.

"Ummm. What are you doing?” I asked.

"I'm going to rip the screen."

Made sense to me. So I climbed down a few steps to let him have room at the top.

"I need to push in on the screen and try and cut it with the other, so can you hold on to my legs"

So there I am. 4am. Easter Sunday. In the Dark. On a ladder. Breaking into a house. Holding on to a very hot man's naked legs, his ass inches from my face. And that's when it happened...

to be continued

How I Spent My Easter Vacation, by Joey

2006-05-03T08:24:00.000-04:00

"Oh Lover, I'll cover you..." (pretentious cell phone ringtone)

"Mmmfph-lo", I grunted, answering the phone.

"Joey, I need your help. Were you up?” the voice said, way too loudly, in my not yet truly functioning ear.

"Who is this?” I asked, looking at the clock, my brain making the connection that those numbers meant it was still the middle of the night.

"It's HSNB, can you come pick me up?"

Thoughts start racing as the brain kicks into gear. Airport? Did I forget something? Accident? Hospital? If not, he will be for waking me up. Wait, maybe he's dead. Ummm. I need to stop watching Ghost Whisperer. "Where are you?"

"I'm at [address]. I don't have my keys. Can you come get me?” he said, the pleasing in his voice melting whatever anger I was feeling.

"Alright, I'll be there in about 20 minutes,” I said.

I hopped out of bed. Okay hopped may be too enthusiastic of a term for that time of night/morning. I guess stumbled would be more appropriate. I got dressed and headed out. He was in a neighboring town, not really close, but only about 15 minutes away. I didn't really recognize the address, but I found it without too much difficulty. I pull up to the curb outside of an apartment complex. I didn't see him anywhere. And all I can think is, I am going to kill him.

Just like a horror movie, he knocks on the passenger side rear window and I scream out. Scared the hell out of me. I unlocked the doors, and he climbs in. The first thing I notice is, he is only wearing underwear and shoes. Okay now this has become a scene out of a whole different movie.

He explained that he had gone back to this girl's apartment. He met her that night in a club, and she was "smokin' hot". I assume that is straight for very attractive. They got back to her place, had a drink, and were making out when she started to get a little rough. This part he seemed okay with. But when they got into the bedroom, from what I could piece together because he was talking very fast, she got a lot rough. And a lot freaky. I'll spare you all the details but there was hot wax, belts, and a knife involved.

He basically said no, but she kept pushing, then threatening, then started hitting him, and he ran out with just his shoes, his wallet, and his cell phone (which he always puts in his shoes he explained - I have learned not to question such things). When asked as to why he didn't get his other stuff, he explained she was throwing things, and breaking things, all the while screaming at him to - I'll translate for the more delicate of you - to kindly leave the premises immediately.

When we got back to our complex, I told him he could just stay at my place.

"I can't. I need my insulin," he said, "and it's in my house."

"But you left your keys behind, so we can't get it. In the morning we'll call a locksmith."

"No, I need it now; I'm feeling a little shaky. We'll have to break into my house."

At 3:30 in the morning. A Sunday morning. Easter Sunday morning. Why me? to be continued

Random thoughts...

2006-05-01T08:06:00.000-04:00

Spent a lot of time over the past few days working on a new look and feel. I'm not sure I am happy with it yet, and I'll most likely be doing a lot more tweaking. But for now it is what it is.

I am moving over soon to my own server and off of Blogger and I've been doing prep work for that as well.

Other than that, my weekend was quite fun. The BF and I spent a lot of time working in and around the house. We seem to spend a lot of time nesting lately.

Most everyone knows I am from Pittsburgh originally, and being a hometown kind of guy, the Steelers will always be my favorite team. However, this weekend, the Philadelphia Eagles drafted three-time world champion skier Jeremy Bloom. Yup, that guy over there in the picture that we've all been drooling over for the past few years. He's a wide receiver (and doesn't that ellicit dirty thoughts) and return specialist who last played football for the University of Colorado in 2003. I may have to start watching the Eagles.

Anyone wanna hang out at training camp with me?

Muy Caliente

2006-04-26T13:24:00.000-04:00

I don't care what any of you bitches say, this man is hot! He melts my buttah!!!

I know I'm always a little late to the dance, but if you haven't seen this yet, it's his new video. And if you have seen it, it's worth watching again!

There's even a little girl-on-girl action for our sisters, and our homosexually-challenged brothers (who I hear like that sort of thing).

This video sure does give a new meaning to "Got Milk"! And if anyone has pictures of that scene, please forward them to me. Yowsa.Ricky Martin Shirtless half naked

Ch Ch Changes

2006-04-25T12:47:00.000-04:00

The first draft of the novel is finished!!! Like any creative type person I am going to do what should be done. I am stepping away from it for a bit to distance myself so I can come back fresh and do some constructive editing.

Speaking of construction, there's going to be some changes going on. So please forgive me for a bit longer. My friend Jason over there, and I, will be working with his construction crew for the next few days, so things are most likely going to look a bit wonky around here. It's all part of the migration over to my own server and domain.

I have lots of stories to tell of the past few weeks as well, that I haven't gotten a chance to write here. Especially my latest late night escapade with HSNB...

Stay tuned.

I want to be as wise as she

2006-04-18T08:34:00.000-04:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

"But I just don't know what I should do," I said, while staring out at the constant crashing of the waves.

"What does your heart tell you Mr. Cusack," she replied, slightly squeezing my forearm.

I kicked at a shell in the surf, not sure if I was avoiding the answer or just unsure of what I truly felt. Finally, I turned to her and said, "I feel if I leave I am saying goodbye to all that was, and all that could be. And I am terrified of starting over, but maybe, well maybe that is what is best."

"You can't bring him back, whether you stay here, or whether you go. California is a wonderful place, and your ideal of endless summer may in fact be there. Moving there though will bring that ideal, but only in weather. Not in your heart dear boy.

And of course, there is the issue of your new beau. Is your desire to leave to truly forget the past, or to avoid your future?"

Miss Novak was right of course. After much thought and introspection over the next few days in that late spring month last year, I made the decision to not take the job, and stay put. And as they say, that has made all the difference.

My demons still haunt me, and I'm sure they always will. As much as we say we have moved on, there is always that little residual something there. And that's okay. It's just a part of what makes me, well, me.

If a year ago, you had said to me that I would be planning a wedding this year, I would have laughed.

I clearly remember the last thing she said to me that day before we moved on to other topics, "Remember Mr. Cusack, your destiny will be fulfilled wherever you are." And so it is.

I think I'll try defying gravity

2006-04-08T06:33:00.000-04:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

Physical therapy has been going great. All of my parts are working as they should. Bruising is pretty much gone now which has been a big boost to my confidence and self-esteem. I am no longer taking any meds. Yippee!

The most important thing that has changed in the past two weeks is, well, somehow something sparked. I don't know if it was a muse, or the clear-headed thinking, or just dumb luck, but I've been writing again. That's why I haven't been waxing prophetic here so much.

And of course it's spring, and in spring a young man's fancy turns to, well, let's just say now that the casts are off and the body is working well, a certain young man who lives in my house has gotten repayment for all of his tender care. Often. TeeHee.

Okay why am I hanging around here with you mugs? I have chapters to write, and a boyfriend to, ummm, wake up.

An observation

2006-03-31T08:01:00.000-05:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

"Writers are observers of the human condition."

That's something a professor of mine once said. It's long stuck with me. Being an actor (well I used to be, it's been a while), I always thought that was true of us as well.

So what made that stick in my head?

The blogosphere lost an excellent writer this week. A young man with lots of talent, heart, soul, and a keen insight to the human condition. His reasons for no longer putting his thoughts out onto public display are extremely noble, decidely understandable, and definitely commendable.

Life is what happens. Blogs are what happens when life is observed, and chronicled. When the blog moves past its purpose of life observation, and becomes life intrusion, then the writer by all means should go dark. But that does not mean the writer should not write. It just means the writer need not share publicly.

I have thought of just such a thing many times. It is sometimes difficult to share these deeply personal things that we do. As I've said before, I don't post publicly everyday, and I only share those things that I choose. But I chronicle my life each and every day in a private journal. The things that happen to me that I choose to share, I usually try to spin humorously, to entertain. And in some way, to just reach out to other humans like me who share this preternatural condition of loving someone of the same gender.

I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here. Not everyday. But as often as I feel the need to reach out. For as long as observation does not become intrusion.

And to my fellow blogger who has chosen to now remain private, I wish you all the best that life can bring you, and hope that you enjoy the ride. You have conquered much. You have found love. Nurture it. And please, even if it is just a private journal, never ever stop writing.

I'm not a perfect person

2006-03-28T12:52:00.000-05:00

Doctor: I also think it would be good for you to see a therapist. It will help you heal much faster.

Me: Oooooo-kay.

So on Doctor's orders I made an appointment to see my therapist. He only slightly lectured me for not seeing him in over a year, but I really haven't felt the need. True, I have gone to see a therapist in the past, and this therapist in particular when Kirk died, but I feel like I have dealt well with life since then. Until now. And even this isn't that hard to handle, really. I mean, the only reason the man is seeing me now is because the Doctor ordered it.

So we talked for the hour. I sure didn't have to spell it out for him as to why the accident upset me. All in all it was a good session, and basically I came out of it knowing that I was already on the right track, even though I won't discuss the accident with anyone other than him and the BF, which is not totally healthy but acceptable according to the therapist.

So, feeling much better, I went back to my primary care guy...

Doctor: Everything is coming along nicely. Have you been to therapy.

Me: Yes I went on Friday.

Doctor: And has it helped.

Me: Well, yeah, it didn't hurt.

Doctor: Well that's a great sign. There's nothing in your chart. I must not have gotten the report on that yet.

Me: Ummm. I didn't realize you would get a report on that.

Doctor: No problem. I'll have the nurse call them. Did you go to Bryn Mawr Rehab, or Mainline Sports & OT?

Me: Neither. I went to see Dr. Steinberg.

Doctor: Which Physical Therapy is he with?

Me: Ummm. None.....You said therapist, so I just assumed...

And on my to do list today:
1. Find new Primary Care Physician.
2. Discuss with Therapist feelings of wanting to inflict bodily harm on Doctors who laugh at you.

Day 3

2006-03-22T07:40:00.000-05:00

I feel lost, disoriented, alone. Things that I have taken for granted, especially the last couple of weeks, I am now painfully aware of. He left me on Sunday, and I am not coping well.

I am a fiercely independent person. It was a learned behavior. I didn't start out that way, but after years of being an enabler and being taken advantage of, I learned to not need anyone else to take care of me.

When I asked BF to move in, it was with great trepidation. I didn't want to lose my independence. I didn't want to lose my alone time. I enjoy those times where I could just come home and lock my door and forget the rest of the world exists.

But his being here has been anything but a problem. If anything, the house stayed cleaner, laundry has been done on a more regular basis, and even the dog seemed happier.

Now I am a semi-invalid. A leg in a cast, an arm in a cast, ribs that hurt when I breathe, among other things. I had gotten used to him nursing me. I was used to him doing all of the things I can't right now. I was used to him picking up the things that I drop and can't bend down to pick up. I was used to him, well, you know. The cast prevents me from handling that myself. I miss him terribly, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change it. I am lost.

Thank God he'll be back on Friday. I'm down to my last pair of clean underwear.

Step by step

2006-03-17T07:35:00.000-05:00

Again, thank you for the kind comments, thoughts, and well wishes. They are appreciated far more than you know.

Fact is, it is a sometimes difficult road back. But not unsurmountable, and not as bad as it could have been.

I have sat down numerous times to write/discuss what happened but for several reasons, I just can't.

For one, those of you who have been around for awhile know what happened in the past that added to the trauma. And second, I really didn't want to write an entry that would have seemed to intentionally elicit a lot of Poor Joey comments.

I am going through physical therapy and it has helped immensely. My physical therapist is, well, quite honestly, so frelling hot I can't concentrate on my routine. Yowsa!

I am no longer on any pain medication, and I returned to work this week. I have a really cool new car too. And my guy is a rock. He has put up with a lot over the last couple of weeks, and has proven to be an accomplished nurse. And did I mention he is quite creative when it comes to taking care of all of my needs? ;)

So see, it's not so bad. A lot of good things have happened along the way. And Isn't that what life is all about? Taking the journey and experiencing every thing that life has to offer?

It's coming

2006-03-14T09:23:00.000-05:00

Summer. It's coming. The long dark will soon be over. Everything will be as it is meant to be. The sun will blaze golden. Shirtless boys will appear in the park, blazing golden. My spirit will blaze golden.

Lifeguards with golden tans will appear on the beaches. Children will play in the surf mixing the crash of the waves with their squeals and laughter.

The man I love, with all my heart, will continue to prove I can move outside my comfort zone by making me do new things. Like surfing.

Everything will be healed. And my spirit?

Miss Novak and Mr. Cusack will again stroll at the water's edge, pondering life's mysteries.

Crash, The Movie

2006-03-03T08:08:00.000-05:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

Crash was a wonderful movie, and so was Brokeback Mountain. Crash should and will most likely take the Oscar.

Crash is not only a movie. It's also the reason for my absence of late.

The good news is that there will be no permanent damage. The bad news is, I have a number of things broken. Bones, my lovely car, and my spirit. I thought the shoulder pain was bad - heh that was nuthin.

Details will follow, but suffice it to say, I am doing okay. I'm mending. My car, eventually will be mended. My spirit is going to take some time.

Public Service Announcement

2006-02-24T08:32:00.000-05:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

Due to circumstances beyond our control, regular posting has been interrupted. Service will be restored this weekend. In the meantime, please enjoy the view from Joey's bed.

Love hurts

2006-02-19T09:14:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for the birthday wishes. As I’ve said, I’m so wrapped up in work right now, I’m not even sure what day it is. That’s about to change, as soon as this project wraps up. Hopefully by then it will be spring. And I won’t be in pain.

I guess I should go back a few days, and tell you about my birthday. Where did we leave off? Ah yes, the morning...

I went downstairs to get my morning coffee. There on the counter is a massive arrangement of flowers. Reds, blues, yellows, whites. Colors that together brought back an instant memory of a warm day and a sea breeze. These were summer flowers. Summer flowers. Just like the arrangement I had bought and brought back to the shore house the first time we were there together.

In front of the vase, was a small plain card. Written on it in beautiful script was one simple phrase. Prepare for an evening of seduction. Oh he’s good!

Once at work, I sped through a day filled with the normal mundane meetings and intense coding sessions with my door closed. I finally left the office a little after 6, later than I had planned, but earlier than most days.

At home, everything was perfect. Scented candles, romantic music, and a meal meant to be eaten with our fingers. When asked if I liked my birthday, I responded that it was all very lovely and thoughtful, but I was feeling very old. He had been waiting for me to say it. I could tell he had been planning for that moment all day.

“I’m going to prove to you, that you are not old.”

He blew out the candles, turned off the music, and went upstairs. His clothes were coming off one by one on the way. I sat there for a few minutes not wanting to give in. I was tired. I felt old. I had work to do. I wasn’t sure I was up for this. I ran upstairs as fast as I could.

What follows is a blur. I remember candles. I remember oils. I remember neckties. I remember sensations not felt before. I remember things seen only on the Discovery channel.

And I remember falling off the bed. Onto my shoulder. Yes that shoulder. And I remember screaming. I am truly convinced this boy is trying to kill me.

My wish? Eternal Summer

2006-02-14T07:46:00.000-05:00

The sun was extremely hot on the beach, but we didn't seem to mind. With my eyes closed I could hear all of the sounds around me; the gulls, the people laughing and enjoying themselves, and the pounding surf. I looked at him and was filled with an explosive amount of love and desire. He was so beautiful. I kissed him. Right there. His lips tasted like the salt of the ocean. And he returned my kiss with the force of the sea. I heard this horrible clanging noise, and I couldn't tell if it was the ice cream vendor, or the lifeguard on his chair annoyed at what we were doing. The noise increased in intensity as did the intensity of our kiss. I wanted to savor that moment and the taste of him and the ocean forever, but it was being interrupted by that piercing clanging noise which kept getting louder and louder. Our lips suddenly broke from each other and Jake said, "You have the most annoying alarm clock in the world." And I woke up.

Thoughts streaming. His arm around me. Remembering the 20 plus inches of snow outside, and the heat of the sun and us in my dream. Day? What day? Ugh. Tuesday. Have to go to work. I slide out from under his arm, and out of the bed, feet hit the floor. As I stand and stretch it hits me like a freight train - it's Valentine's Day. It's my frakking birthday. And there's a zero in the number. And I am suddenly very old. I want to go back to the beach. To the sun. To Jake. To our lips. To youth.

Scattered

2006-02-10T12:55:00.000-05:00

Deadlines, everywhere. Demands on my time, everywhere. Adjusting to living full time with the BF, confusing and time-consuming.

Of course you would think having him live with me now would be easy and interesting as our selves meld together. But I have been so swamped, and my brain has been so filled with all of the other demands on me right now, I really haven't had much time to think about it.

Last night I was working late. Okay really late. And I didn't crawl into bed until 1:30am. I am normally asleep by 10pm at the very latest. And I got up earlier as well, because I had to get stuff done prior to a presentation this morning. Total sleep = 3 hours, 45 minutes.

I woke up and went through my morning ritual. Showered, dressed, and ran out the door. On the drive in I kept thinking there was something just odd. I couldn't really place it, and I thought it was just the lack of sleep getting the best of me.

Got to work and got busy. But I kept feeling uncomfortable and I wasn't sure why. After a pot of coffee, I had to go drain off the excess. I go in the bathroom, open my pants, and suddenly realized why I was out-of-sorts and uncomfortable. I am freeballin'. I have gone commando. The ballroom doors are wide open. I am not wearing any underwear.

In my haste and sleep deprivation, I have skipped an important task of the morning routine. In my presentation all I can think about is the fact that I have no underwear on. Can they tell? Does it show?

And now here I sit. And every time I move, the boys are feeling squished. They miss their support!

And I have at least 6 hours to go before I get home.

We're going to....

2006-02-06T05:55:00.000-05:00

Well it seems my boyfriend is going to be taking me to Disney World. I'm really excited. Oddly enough I have never been to Disney World, and after last night, it seems we are going.

He's the greatest isn't he? That's his picture there on the right, taken last summer. It's really hard having a celebrity as a boyfriend, but hey, what can you do? I was totally shocked when right after the game he announced our vacation plans to the whole world.

I am so excited for him and his friends. Last night was a huge win, and I am very proud of him. While I am waiting for him to get home from Detroit I am going to start packing for a warmer climate!

And when he gets home I am really going to pamper him. I'll run a hot bath, and then massage his tired muscles and then we'll -

"What's that babe?... Yes I know Ben is not my boyfriend. But can we still go to Disney World?"

Cool. He said yes. Now if I can just figure out when Ben is going to be there...

Spreadin' the love again

2006-02-03T10:34:00.000-05:00

I really really hate it when people post and say that they are too busy to post. So I'm not going to do that. Except to say that the past two weeks have been nuts. And not the good kind.

So instead of wasting time on me today, I'm sending you elsewhere to someone whose blog if you are not already reading you really should be!

I want you to go spread some love to James. He's a very good writer. His viewpoints are always well thought out and well spoken. And like many of us, he sees and lives life in broad terms. The best thing is, he can communicate them that way as well. That is something I admire greatly.

So go on, get out of here. Go visit James at his Gay Empire. Come back this weekend or Monday and we can get back to the surreality that is my life.

I said go already! Sheeesh.

James' Gay Empire

Who?

2006-02-01T07:55:00.000-05:00

I was deeply saddened by the death yesterday of Coretta Scott King. I think what affected me most was this feeling that it was the passing of an era. First Rosa Parks, and now Mrs. King. Where are the heros for our generation? Where are the ones who will stand up and say, "I am not going to take it anymore" and effect change?

I met Mrs. King at a function a number of years ago. She took my hand, placed her other hand over top of mine, and said in that pleasant dulcet quiet tone of hers, "How are you?". It wasn't "Pleased to meet you", or a simple, "Hello". She asked me how I was. Me. Someone she did not even know. I knew that I was meeting a woman important to history and the shaping of our country but to have her greet me, a complete stranger, in that way changed my entire perception of her. It was quite powerful.

I mentioned her death to a number of people yesterday and what saddened me even more was the response of most everyone. "Who?". How could someone get to their age and not know who Mrs. King was? If we do not remember or recognize the human rights heros that have gone before, how can we expect a hero for us? Someone that will lead us into the validation of our existance so we will no longer have to be shunned, ridiculed, feared, hated, killed.

I'm also passing along today an email sent to me by Judy Shepard and the Matthew Shepard Foundation. It is a shining example of the woman that Mrs. King was.

Dear Friend,

The Matthew Shepard Foundation, my family and I join the millions in expressing
their grief and sadness at the passing of Mrs. Coretta Scott King. Mrs. King was
an extraordinary human being, filled with the hope of equality for all with
absolutely no distinction. She spread her message of hope with grace and
compassion from which I draw constant inspiration.

The day after my son Matthew’s death, Mrs. King sent a letter to my family that
I would like to share with you for the first time today. This letter represents
in the truest sense the human being she was and the spirit of her work that we
should all strive to emulate.

Sincerely,
Judy Shepard

October 13, 1998

Dear Mr. & Mrs. Shepard,

I was stunned and deeply saddened to learn of the killing of your beloved son,
Matthew Shepard. On behalf of Dexter Scott King, The King Center and the King
Center Family, I send our heartfelt condolences, our love and prayers for your
family in your hour of bereavement.

Clearly, your Matthew was a fine young man, a kind and open-hearted person who
believed in human rights and the dignity of all people. The outpouring of
sympathy from his many friends, as well as his family, is a testament that he
was a caring and much-loved human being, and his loss diminishes us all.

The epidemic brutality that took your son’s life and has caused so much pain to
your family must be confronted and stopped. Americans of conscience must work a
lot harder to eliminate this sick culture of violence that threatens even our
best and brightest.

Matthew Shepard will be sorely missed. But we will be praying your family soon
be unburdened by the knowledge that his beautiful spirit will live on in the
hearts of all of those he touched.

Sincerely,
Coretta Scott King

I'd like to invite them all over for the weekend

2006-01-27T07:58:00.000-05:00

Am I in pain? Yup. Well okay, it's really just down to a dull ache. As long as I don't move, I feel just fine. I saw the doctor, who wanted to prescribe a course of steriods. While the idea of bulking up is appealing, I know it's just a ten day thing. I have taken them before and I don't like my mood swings during that time, so I politely declined. Anti-inflammatories are your friend!

Positive things have come out of my injury. I am being coddled. You-Know-Who is feeling extremely guilty, since the whole thing was his idea. And I don't have to help him move this weekend. That's almost worth the pain! He cleaned my house and did my laundry too. I would keep him just for that alone! Okay typing hurts so I thought I would share an article with you from our local rag. I agree with their list whole-heartedly, and would love to have any one of them over to nurse me through my injury!

His character may be lost, but Josh Holloway has been discovered.

In Touch Weekly has crowned Holloway, 36, who portrays con man Sawyer on ABC's Emmy-winning hit series Lost, TV's "hottest hunk."

The magazine, in an issue on newsstands Friday, also gives props to Holloway's castmate Matthew Fox, who plays Jack. Fox came in ninth among the top 10 good-looking guys.

Lost co-star Evangeline Lilly describes Holloway as "the guy who opens doors, carries the bags for women, and makes sure they feel protected. It's a very endearing quality."

Second on the studly list is John Stamos of ABC's Jake in Progress and formerly of Full House.

Also on the list: Jared Padalecki from Supernatural, David Boreanaz (Bones), Wentworth Miller (Prison Break'), Eddie Cibrian (Invasion), Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy), Shemar Moore (Criminal Minds) and Tom Welling (Smallville).

(c) 2006, The Philadelphia Inquirer.

Broken

2006-01-24T11:29:00.000-05:00

What didn't I do this weekend? I attended no cultural events. I did not hang out with the popular, the famous, nor the fabulous crowd. I did not spend the weekend in all the best clubs to be seen, or to dance. I did not have amazingly kinky, amazingly vanilla, nor amazingly mind-blowing sex with two, three, four, or a room full of people. I did not go sky-diving, nor DJ, nor travel to an exotic local. I did not see Jake Gyllenhaal naked (shameless search engine seeding which I stole from someone else, sorry).

So what did I do this past weekend? Since Thursday, all of my time has been involved with what I do for a living. I was writing code. Fabulously exciting, no? Well to most of you no, but I am a geek and I get a real rush out of it. It's what I love to do and I get a real sense of creativity and accomplishment. I have often spent hours and hours at home slaving over code.

So that's what I did this weekend. Until Sunday. When the BF said it was time to get off of my ass (and that is a direct quote) and do something physical. Of course I thought that meant that the shades would be closed, candles lit, and Barry White on the cd player. I should know better by now. He didn't tell me what he had planned, but he told me just to throw on jeans and a t-shirt, and off we went. To the park. Where his friends were. Playing football.

For the first half hour or so I was actually having fun. It felt good to be out, and getting fresh air. And being around a lot of testosterone was doing wonders for my psyche. Until I made the mistake. I caught the ball. I started to instinctively run. I was on top of the world. I had the ball and I was the star receiver heading down the field for an amazing touchdown. I knew exactly what little victory dance I was going to do once I crossed the line that was our makeshift goal. I could hear the roar of the crowd as I ran! I was pumped! I was in The Zone! I was knocked unconscious.

I'm going to spare you the agonizing details of what it feels like to not be able to breathe. Nor am I going to explain the excruciating pain it is to have your shoulder put back into its socket.

There I am, feeling the closest to death I have ever come and survived, not sure if I should throw up everything I have eaten in the last 24 hours, or whether to just pass out from pain and exhaustion. And one of his friends, one of his early-twenties-friends, says loud enough for me to hear, "I hope I'm never in that bad shape when I get old like him".

If I had had the strength, it would have been justifiable homicide.

Karma

2006-01-20T07:42:00.000-05:00

Thank you all for the comments on the last post. Quite honestly, I didn't even hesitate on what I did. I deleted the voicemail. I had long ago removed his number from my phone. And afterwards, I thought about the second option. For a while now.

I think Moby really hit it (No I mean my feelings about the issue, not the guy, although I did want to hit it at the time). Here's what he said:

option 1. You don't need the drama in your life and calling him would only (serve) to create drama. You also keep your karma intact by not being ugly while giving him a dose of his own medicine at the same time.

Should he call again, politely advise him, you've moved on and the moment has been more than lost. Politely say goodbye after asking him not to call you again.

I'm a closet buddhist in spirit. When Kirk died, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to live better. I am not always perfect. Hell, I am rarely perfect. But I don't beat myself up over it. I try to keep my Karma clean, my chi clean, and my house clean. And much as I want to, as Jen would say, rip him several new assholes, I can't. It's just not my style.

But when I was a young strapping lad working in the clubs, drama was my Mamma. Boy am I glad those days are long gone.

There are quite a few guys like that guy out there. Unfortunately. I pray that none of you have to deal with them. I've always been a magnet for bad boys, jerks, controllers, and users. But now I've found a prince. And I truly believe it's because I changed myself.

For that guy that called I just truly have one thing to say. Karma can be a mean bitch. But I'm not. Anymore.

Lessons

2006-01-18T12:45:00.000-05:00

So you meet a guy. And this guy seems rather nice (doesn't act like a serial killer). He has a nice job (can support himself). And a deep voice (mmmm). And is wearing a regular ol' tshirt and jeans when you meet (not pretentious).

He asks you out. You agree. Dinner. He asks you to pick the place. You respond by asking him to surprise you with the place of his choice (so you can gauge his personality).

He picks you up (in a non-pretentious middle class car) and you go to a medium-scale restaurant (not exactly thrifty, but not egotistical either). Dinner is great, and he is a fantastic conversationlist, always steering the conversation back to you and not dwelling on himself, but also not avoiding anything you ask. You excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, and when you come back, he has payed the check (oh his mamma taught him well). Dinner is over, and he suggests going somewhere for coffee and/or dessert. You agree. The check comes and you insist on paying (because you mamma taught you well). And after, the evening ends as you choose, with him dropping you off. He asks, I repeat he asks, if he can kiss you goodnight. And you do. And it is good. It is very good.

The next day: He. Calls. You. (the man has style) to tell you what a great time he had, and asks you out again for a movie. You agree. He pays for the tickets, you buy the popcorn. He grabs, and holds, your hand during the movie. Coffee after the movie, and then home. You kiss again. With a little more fervor, but not a "could you check my DNA while you're in there" kind of kiss.

You talk on the phone at least once a day for the next two weeks, and you go out again. This time dinner, movie, and drinks. Ending with kissing and exploration.

Again you talk the next day, and several days after that. You make tentative but not firm plans for the weekend. And you call him. You leave a message. That he doesn't return. So you call again the next day. You leave a message. That he doesn't return. You repeat this two more times over the next two days. And then after a waiting period of several days, you repeat this again. And then you stop. He never returns your phone call.

A year and a half later, you check your cell phone and there is a message from a number you don't recognize. The voice on the message immediately brings back memories. And he says he has been thinking about you, and would like to go out.

And which of the following would you do, and which do you think I did?

1. Delete the message, and not return his call.
2. Call him and leave a message that would make leather men blush, explaining what he could do with his cellphone and your number, which includes the arm that is holding it. You remind him of his lineage which resembles a family tree with only one branch. And explain to him that if he were the only other man on earth besides yourself, you would still cut off his penis and feed it to pirhannas. One piece at a time. And other things that I am too polite to mention in print.

You're my Obsession

2006-01-16T12:34:00.000-05:00

In Friday's post I mentioned that I really like the Chronic(what)cles of Narnia video from Saturday Night Live. According to that other guy that hangs out with me all the time, I am obsessed with it. But it got me to thinking, what really are my obsessions and how do I end up getting them?

I also mentioned that I have adult-onset ADD. Now I don't know if there is such a thing, but I have noticed that the older I get, the less focused I am on one specific thing at a time. And at the same time, there are certain things that I repeat over and over. But not in an OCD kind of a way. Like the video/song. I can play it over and over and be quite happy.

So is my ADD that's not OCD being outed by a WMV from SNL?

And just what are the things I obsess about anyway? Other than Steve Sandvoss. There's something I could repeat over and over with him let me tell you! But I digress.

So what are your obsessions? What can't you get enough of (other than the obvious)?

I think in stereo

2006-01-13T11:19:00.000-05:00

We interrupt today's post for a public service announcement. I have shelled out the big bucks to upgrade my haloscan account so that the comment pop-up no longer has ads, and I will be able to do an email reply for comments, making it much easier to respond. We now return you to your regularly scheduled frivilousness.

The scene: A modest townhouse located near Valley Forge Park in Pennsylvania. Our heros are spending a quiet evening at home. That is until Joey begins playing a video on his PC while working. And singing along.

Joey: (Singing) The Chronic What Cles of Narnia, The Chronic...
BF: Why do you keep playing that video over and over?
Joey: Hmmmm?
BF: Why do you keep playing that video?
Joey: I know! Don't you love it?
BF: Honestly, no. At least I did until I heard it the 400th time.
Joey: Really?
BF: Really. Do you always play videos while you are working?
Joey: No, just this one. It''s all over the innernets. I usually just play music.
BF: How can you do that?
Joey: Oh, I just open the jukebox thingy and
BF: (interrupting) No, I meant how can you concentrate with the music on, and sing at the same time? And the TV.
Joey: Well I told you a long time ago I have adult onset ADD. I function better when I am multi-tasking.
BF: (Blank stare, silence)
Joey: Was there something you wanted dear?
BF: A different song maybe?
Joey: But I love this one.
BF: And I love you. (leaning over Joey and shutting off the video)
Joey: (Singing in BF's ear, grinning) They call us Aaron Burr from the way we're droppin' Hamiltons.
BF: Sigh. What have I gotten myself into?

And Joey's boyfriend wasn't able to say anything else once Joey grabbed him and threw him down on the carpet. You can all guess what happened next.

Spread the Love

2006-01-12T10:24:00.000-05:00

I'm swamped again at work. Swamped at home too trying to make two households fit into one. So as much as I wish it was, writing is not at the top of my priorities right now. Thank you all for your wonderful comments and advice on my "issue". And don't worry. I would sleep on cement as long as it meant that boy will be part of my life!

But instead of droning on with my self-absorption today, I want you to go somewhere else. As you can see by my blogroll, I read a lot of other blogs. And as I have said before, it is a rich tapestry of life. And today I want you to go read one of them. One specific one.

I started reading his blog several months ago. How did I find it? I don't really remember, but I have been reading him ever since.

He is going to be 25 this week. Younger than me obviously. But this man has moxie. And he impresses the hell out of me. His life hasn't been all that easy, but he has made it work.

What impresses me most is, that he took chances at a very young age to better himself. Granted, they didn't really go as well as planned and it caused financial problems, but instead of caving in he saw what he needed to do and he did it. He works his ass off, twice as hard as anyone I know, just to climb back up and realize his dreams. I have a feeling he is going to really go far in life.

And on top of that. He is quite handsome, has a great boyfriend, and an awfully cute dog! And he's funny, and witty, and very entertaining. His Weekly White Boy Dance videos are not to be missed.

So in the first of my new weekly "Spread the Love" posts in which I am going to highlight someone you may not be reading who you really should, let me introduce you to Stephen. And Stephen I hope you don't mind my linking to the pic of you and Levi!

Inside Stephen

Consequences

2006-01-10T11:48:00.000-05:00

The holidays are exhausting, but well worth it I guess. The parties and the travelling are all completed. The outside lights have all been taken down and extension cords have been wrapped. The windows are bare, and the wreath is off the door. The heirloom and regular ornaments have been removed from the tree and packed in tissue paper. The halls have all been undecked. Christmas cards have been filed away for future reference, and china and glassware have all been washed and placed in their cabinets.

Thank the gods it's all over! And now life can finally get back to normal. The house is finally spotless again and I can settle in for a long winter's nap. Just me and the dog. Quiet evenings snuggled up under a comforter on the couch in front of the TV. I can catch up on movies and reading. It can snow all it wants now, because I have no responsibilites other than work, and walking the dog. Yep. I am looking forward to the quiet solitude, and the holidays are all now just a memory in my lazy days. Ah, normalcy. And rest.

Except.

I just remembered. I asked the BF to move in.

Closets have to be cleaned. Decisions have to be made. Furniture has to be moved. Dinner will be more than just take out. I have to get up earlier for work so we can both be on time. What are we going to do about utilities? Share them? Oh wait. He's going to want to share my office too! Do I need to set up a network for the broadband access? Where is all of his stuff going to fit?

Oh. My. Goddess. What have I done?

That's a good question

2006-01-06T12:31:00.000-05:00

I was interviewed the other day for an article about blogging. Most of the questions were fairly routine, and not at all difficult to answer. It was the first question that I was asked, and which I answered fairly quickly, that has stuck in my head. My answer to the interviewer was somewhat brief and to the point, but I thought I would take it a bit further here.

Why do you blog?
It gives me a way of journalling my life in a brief fashion, and allows me to hone my writing skills.

Okay that was the answer I gave. But the more I think about that question, the more I started asking myself, why do I do this?

There are people who blog for any number of reasons. I have seen blogs that are for financial gain, blogs written because it's the "in-thing" to do, and a number of blogs that are just about furthering the author's egos. It's the "Look how fabulous I am blogs" that I don't care for, which I am sure is because they are the type of people I avoid in real life.

So why do I keep doing this? Well I was first attracted to it, simply by reading other blogs. Two people in particular I had read on a regular basis: Cyberkenny, who is no longer blogging that I am aware of; and Thomas (link at the top of the blogroll) at Kungfukittens who I fondly call my "Blog Daddy".

I knew that's the type of writing I wanted to do as well, journalling my life, preferably in a semi-humorous way. Since I started this way-back-when, it has become so much more. It allows me to connect with other people all over the world, but in a way that chatrooms never really accomplished (Chatroom; noun; pop culture way back in the stone age, you know, the 90s).

I (and all of you) now have a chance to really connect with the gay world in a macrocosm (is that a word?). It allows us to express ourselves, and that genetic nature that ties us all together, and learn from each other. If you look at the people on my blogroll, there are blogs and people of every shape, kind, and nationality.

Growing up in a small western Pennsylvania town, I never had exposure to other gay people - that I was aware of at least, and now. Now, I know how you all live, and love, and laugh, and cry. And I know that I am a part of something that was not just a choice. That my friends, is the true power.

Random Thoughts

2006-01-04T12:22:00.000-05:00

Well I've done some tweaking on the look and feel. I'll probably still be doing that for a bit.

Not much to say about the New Year holiday, except it was confusing. The Rose Parade wasn't on New Year's Day. The Bowl games are, well for goddess' sake they're spread out all week long! I used to love spending the holiday just watching football (and recuperating from NYE). Now I doubt I will even see any of the games.

And because the Bowl games weren't on, well, we had to do something. And we did. And we did it a lot. And then we did it a lot more. And I am not sure when I'm going to recuperate.

But I know one thing. My game never gets sidelined for a groin pull. Put me in coach!

A Fresh Start All Around

2006-01-03T12:52:00.000-05:00

I decided a New Year needed a New Look!

So instead of posting witty and insightful comments I am going to be playing with ~~myself~~ the code for a bit.

What a year!

2005-12-30T13:24:00.000-05:00

In the tradition of, well everybody else, let's recap.

I learned how to buy underwear for myself that doesn't say FTL on them.

I learned early in the year that dating and men suck. And not always in the good way.

I learned the joys and pains (mostly pains) of manscaping.

I learned that men who want to control your lives are asshats. Oh and I learned the word asshat and I can use it in a sentence!

I learned that the boy that I have had a crush on for over two years, had a crush on me too.

I learned that one can have the most awesome summer of their lives, when spent with those that you love.

I learned that I am capable of loving again after tragedy, and that my mouth can actually speak the words I love you.

And what else?

I learned that a gay man can be best friends with a straight man.

I learned I was nominated for a blog award in the Popular category. I still haven't figured that one out. (link to vote posted in a post below)

I can actually go to the gym and not leave feeling like I have been beaten with a stick. Ok make that many sticks.

I can play football. Although not well. And not by choice.

I can finally tear down the wall that kept me from asking the boyfriend to live with me.

And.

I actually had the cohones to ask him to marry me.

And.

He said yes.

Totally baring it all

2005-12-29T12:27:00.000-05:00

As he pulled on the gold ribbon, I held my breath. I had no idea what reaction I was going to get, and in those few seconds I was sure that I was a complete ass. My entire future, my entire life, rested on the next minute of time.

The ribbon fell to the floor. He turned the package over, and began picking at the tape. I wanted to scream. But I couldn't inhale, without exhaling. He gingerly undid one side of the package. I was turning blue. How long can one exist without oxygen anyway?

He had already opened the envelope with the shore house lease. That was met with a huge positive response. I was 1 for 1 at that point. But, now. He turned the package around and began picking at the other side of the tape. I wanted to kill him. Okay not really, but I was this close to grabbing the package out of his hands and either ripping it open myself, or just refusing to give it to him. How could I have done this to myself? And why can't he just rip it open like a normal person?

Finally he had the paper off, and I think I exhaled. I couldn't tell. I was too light-headed at that moment to really comprehend. He opened the box, peeled back the tissue paper, and removed the small black velvet box.

And that's when I knew I had made a huge mistake. A huge fuckup of momentous proportions. He looked at the box, but not at me. And he said, "Oh". It wasn't a "Oh wow look at this" oh. It sounded like a "What in God's Name have you done" oh.

And opened the lid.

Then came a second "Oh". Okay that one had a bit more of a hopeful surprised tone to it. Maybe this was okay.

"It's a key," he said quietly.

"Yes," I replied. The key was sitting on the slot where a ring would normally be.

"But I thought it was... oh,"

Ever wish a huge hole would open in the earth and swallow you up? Yep, that's the prayer that was screaming through my brain.

He was quiet for a moment, and then he said, "Is this a key to the shore house, or your house?"

"Oh," I said (all the while thinking that I was truly an idiot). "That's a key to this house. I thought it was time you had one of your own. Especially if you will agree to move in with me. It works better that way."

"I love it. But, are you sure?" he asked.

"Absolutely. Very sure." I replied.

Then a tear slid down his face. Dear goddess I wish I could read him better! "Are you happy, or upset babe?"

He hugged me, kissed me, exclaiming how happy he was. Over and Over. Wow. All that over a key. Who knew?

The next morning, we got up and opened the rest of our gifts to each other. He was like a little kid with each one. And so was I. Paper flew everywhere. Once the last gift from under the tree was opened, I figured I would take the chance and let him open his last gift which I had hidden in the tree. It was a little bear holding a heart, which he loved. I said, "Turn it over."

On the bottom was a note that said, "Look under the key."

He looked at me with a confused expression on his face, grabbed the box with the key, pulled the key out, but he didn't see anything. Then suddenly he got it. He pulled up on the base that was holding the key.

His face lit up like I have never seen before. And I said the words I never thought would ever come out of my mouth.

"Will you marry me?"

I'm off

2005-12-26T08:56:00.000-05:00

The BF and I are off to visit my family for a few days.

Christmas Eve was, well, special. But a boy needs to tell his mother some news in person first. I'll tell you all about it when we get back.

I was told I should be campaigning for the Best Gay Blog thing. Not really my style. But if you want to vote here's the link: Best Gay Blogs

Hope your holidays are fun! I'll be back in a few days...

The Future

2005-12-23T10:56:00.000-05:00

"Are you asleep?" he said, nuzzling my neck.

"Not as long as you keep doing that," I replied.

"Is there anything you wanted for Christmas that I don't know about?" he whispered in my ear.

"I don't remember ever mentioning anything that I wanted, but I know you will surprise me. You always do."

"I just want to make sure you get all you ever wanted. I want you to have the best Christmas ever," he said, running his hand over my chest.

"Honey, I already have all I ever wanted. I have you." I whispered back.

"Good," he said, "because that's what I got you."

I have a feeling this Christmas is going to be quite a surprise. I really have no idea what he will come up with. And that's what I love most about him.

For him, there will be a Christmas evening in front of the fire, just the two of us. I am giving him two gifts tomorrow night. One, a lease for the shore house for next summer with just our names on it. The other, well, I don't want to say here just in case he has found out about this site. But I can tell you it is going to change both of our lives significantly. And it is extremely romantic.

Traditions

2005-12-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

I read something yesterday that reminded me of a story that has been passed down for generations in my family. A story of how one of the family traditions had gotten its start. I would love to share it with you all, in the spirit of the holiday season:

One Christmas season, a long long time ago, the North Pole was a rush of activity getting ready for the big night. And as fate would have it, there were problems everywhere and Santa was really feeling the pressure. Many of his veteran toymakers were sick with a nasty flu, and the remaining healthy elves were in danger of not having the toys finished on time.

He decided to take a break in the barn to calm his nerves, which visiting his reindeer always seemed to do. But when he got to the barn, he found out that most of them also had the flu, and may not be able to make the trip.

Loading the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground scattering toys everywhere. By this point Santa's frustration level was so high, he decided a drink was in order, so he went into the house for some Irish Coffee. He grabbed the coffeepot and headed for the liquor cabinet, which he found locked. He yelled for Mrs. Claus, who when she arrived reminded him that she always kept the cabinet locked around the holidays so Santa wouldn't drink and drive. On her way out the door, she told Santa that her mother and father were coming to spend the holidays with them.

This stressed Santa even more. In his frustration, he dropped the coffeepot by accident and it shattered all over the floor. When he went to get the broom he found that the mice had used the straw to build their nests. Just as he slammed the closet door shut, the doorbell rang. Fuming by this point, he opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa! Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. I picked out the loveliest tree I could find, just for you! Where would you like me to stick it?

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Run Down

2005-12-19T12:15:00.000-05:00

The holidays are definitely taking their toll. I eliminated most of my shopping by ordering online, and saved even more time by having family gifts shipped directly there. Once I get there for the holidays everything can be wrapped, instead of doing it here and then transporting them in my car.

But I have been swamped with concerts, and light displays, and evenings with friends. I am tired. I am run down.

Which reminds me, I forgot to write about my HSNB experience last week.

So there I am, all nestled snug in my bed, with visions of - well I guess you can figure that out - dancing in my head, when the phone rings. Okay my phone never rings that late at night. Ever. The BF knows better than to call, and besides he would have used my cell. And I knew where he was. He was already home in bed. Nuff said.

Panic sets in because the first thing I think is that something has happened to someone in my family. I answer the phone trepidatiously, fearing the worst. Of course you already know who it was. He says that he thinks he may have hit someone and they are lying in the road. And he asks what he should do.

Why me?

Being the good friend that I am, of course I jump out of bed and start getting dressed. Right after I tell him to stay put. And call 911. Luckily this happened not too far from where we live, on one of the back roads in Valley Forge.

As I am pulling up, all I see is headlights pointed at me. I pull over, grab my flashlight, and get out. I can see him standing next to the car, and I can see there is definitely someone down the road further, lying in the middle of the road. He is in a panic, and just keeps repeating," shit, shit, shit Joey" over and over again. I ask if he called 911, which he replies that he had. I am doing my best to calm him down, but I really feel the need to walk down and see what has actually happened. I look at my watch (I really watch too many police dramas), and it's just past midnight. I'm amazed there hasn't been any cars by. It's a back road, but usually well-traveled.

I start toward the figure in the road, the flashlight not doing all that much to show me anything until I get closer. But when I did, I could see that there was lots of blood, and whoever it was, was still alive, and thrashing around. If you live anywhere near this area of the country, you have probably already figured it out. It was a deer. And I really really wished at that moment that it would have already been dead.

I will spare you most of what happened next, but when the State Troopers showed up (40 minutes later), they had to shoot it. HSNB's car was in bad shape, but driveable, but unfortunately, he was not in very good shape at all. I got him home, to my place, and put him to bed. I finally got to sleep, on my couch, around 3.

This boy is wearing me out.

They nominated me where?!?

2005-12-14T18:01:00.000-05:00

I was just sitting there thinking...
"Hmmm, should I blog about my getting a call from HSNB in the middle of the night, and my rushing out the door into the cold night to give him what he needed"

or

"Should I blog about how silly all those blog awards are? How I have never been one of the popular kids anyway, and that I don't write for awards. I do it for artistic expression."

And then I received an email telling me I have been nominated for a "Best Gay Blogs" award in the Popular category.

Homo say what?

How the hell did that happen?

I am flattered. Extremely.

And as they say in the business, it's just an honor to be nominated.

So go check out the list if you want, and if you want to throw me a bone (pun always intended), then, thank you very much. Best Gay Blogs

Now about that late night phone call... Maybe tomorrow.

Help

2005-12-09T12:02:00.000-05:00

Well I have been doing my share of Christmas shopping for mia famiglia and so on. I try to pride myself on finding just the absolute perfect gift for everyone. So they have something to return and get those great after-Christmas bargains!

And I have gotten a few things for the BF. Some things I know he is just going to love. And some I will when he wears them. ;)

But I need everyone's help. I need to pin down one special thing. One thing that will just blow him away. I want it to be the most romantic thing possible, that will just scream out my love for him (as if he didn't already know).

So - I need some ideas. What is the most romantic thing you have ever given, or received?

Shopping Ideas

2005-12-07T12:20:00.000-05:00

First off let me answer a few questions. Yes, he is that dumb. Yes, he does need all the help he can get. And yes, I will be wearing a lovely black cashmere blazer on New Year's Eve, providing he doesn't stain it at his Christmas Party.

Now on to other pleasing things. I would like to recommend a couple of things for those of you who are still undecided on what to buy for your favorite single straight boy who needs all the help he can get, and for your favorite gay boy or girl who just need a laugh. Let me preface this by saying, I receive no compensation from products I may recommend on my blog. And if I am ever that fortunate I will mention it.

Both of my recommendations are books from two really good authors, and both are available online at your favorite bookseller.

The first is "A New Ladies Man" by Colin Mortensen. Some of you may remember Colin from "The Real World, Hawaii". Colin had sent me a copy of his book to read, and I have to tell you, it is a must for straight single guys! His advice is quite straightforward (sorry). He has a great sense of humor and this book is quite a fun read. In fact, it has good advice for just about anyone and I really enjoyed it myself. If you know any straight single men who really need help with dating and their relationships with women, this book would be perfect. And for the rest of us, there is a lot of great common sense information. And it's damn funny too!

The second is a book for your favorite gay boy or girl. Or yourself. This book was recommended to me a while back, and I had bought it, but only recently got a chance to read it. "How I Paid for College : A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship & Musical Theater" by Marc Acito. I have to say I don't ever remember sitting on the, ummm, on the.... well you know where..., and laughing my, uh..., well just laughing hysterically.

I think this is a must read for any gay man or woman. It's funny, it's clever, and I think it could well be fact, not fiction. There are many moments when I thought I was reading about myself and my experiences.

And after all that humor, here is a final recommendation. I was sent this link the other day, and while I really don't know what a Carls Jr is, this commercial had me in stitches. Milk Shake

Shopping with a Str8 Boy

2005-12-02T12:31:00.000-05:00

Experience is a wonderful teacher. And if you are a logical, rational individual, you would think that I would learn from past experiences.

You would be wrong.

Last evening I agreed to go Christmas shopping with HSNB. I guess at some point last week in the throes of Thanksgiving revelry I had offered to help the poor boy out with the task. Of course who do the straight people turn to when it comes to matters like these but their friendly neighborhood gay person. We have that extra gene that they lack. You know, the shopping gene. The one that's linked to that other gene. The innate sense of fashion gene. Which is similarly linked to the "We can't understand why straight men can't buy gifts for their wives/mothers/girlfriends, so of course we help them" gene.

I should have seen the signs right up front. The premise was that we were there to purchase a gift for HSNB's mother. Why it didn't click when he steered me directly into the men's section, I don't know. After about five minutes of watching him look at the clothing with a pained expression on his face, I finally asked him why we were looking in the Men's Clothing section for a Mom gift. "Oh," he says, "I need something to wear for the company Christmas party too." Lawd, have mercy on me.

"Well, is it formal or casual?" I asked.

"Well, I uh, well, I’m not sure," he replies.

"Did you go to it last year," I ask.

"Yeah."

"Well how was everyone dressed," I didn't even dare ask what he wore!

"The guys had, I guess, like suits." he says. Great command of description this boy.

"Okay, then." And I start pulling things from the racks. I have to admit my hands are magnetically drawn to cashmere. Hmm, I wonder if there is a cashmere gene. So I send him to the fitting room with an armful while I browse the racks. After quite some time has passed and he hasn't reappeared, I decide I should find out what is going on. I go over to the fitting room, knock, and gently ask how he is doing. He doesn't answer. I ask again. Again no answer.

Okay, at this point, what would you have done, being the logical rational individual that you are? You would walk away right?

You would be wrong. The door wasn't locked so I opened it. There he is, sitting on the floor in just his boxers and socks. The most heart-wrenching look on his face like a lost little boy who has just fallen off of his bike. You could see the moisture welling up in his eyes. In that moment, I knew that if he was gay, I would have asked him to marry me.

"What's wrong," I asked.

"I was putting on a shirt, and...," he says softly, "I got a pin stuck in my shoulder."

And all I can think, all that is going through my mind is, what the hell did I do when I was younger that makes me get into these situations.

Utterly exhausted!

2005-11-29T12:02:00.000-05:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

Orphan Thanksgiving was wonderful! I am so glad my mother decided against the family thing. Everyone was well fed. There was lots of food left over. I even ended up with a couple of houseguests Thursday night. We played games until late in the evening, and some of us (not me) were just a little too full of wine to make it home! I was already home, but being the perfect host, I was not really drinking all that much.

Friday morning I got creative and threw together an early brunch for everyone (yes, I am that gay). I never do the Black Friday shopping thing and obviously none of my guests did either. I bid the last of them adieu in the early afternoon, and then BF and I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning up. And making a mess. And then cleaning each other up. ;)

Friday evening, we went out to see Rent. Yes, I cried during the movie. Three times to be exact. When the movie started and I heard the first few notes of the music tears started streaming. If there are those of you out there who have never seen Rent, I won't say when the other two times were, but take tissues if you go to see it.

I do have to say I don't ever remember sitting in a movie theatre before and forgetting myself enough to put my head on my boyfriend's shoulder. That was a great feeling.

The rest of the weekend was spent decorating, making messes, playing football (yes I love him that much), and spending time with friends. All in all, the most fun since I left the shore. The craziest thing of all, I am really looking forward to Christmas this year. But for now, I'm tired. Daddy needs some rest.

Moms are like that

2005-11-22T08:51:00.000-05:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

I have always said my mother was psychic. The woman has always seemed to know exactly what I was thinking, or when I was not feeling well, or when life was not exactly going swimmingly for me.

BF and I have been negotiating our first Thanksgiving and Christmas together since Halloween. Christmas was easy, with time split between our families. His are here. Mine are 5 hours across the state. We had decided that we would spend Christmas Eve here together and with his family, and leave on Christmas Day for Western PA.

Thanksgiving however was an issue. I normally don't travel home. As discussed before, I have Orphan Thanksgiving, inviting people I know that are single and don't have family close. This would allow me to spend time with both him and his family.

Then my mother casually mentioned on the phone some weeks back, that she would love to have the whole family home for a large Thanksgiving meal, just like in the old days. My only thought at the time was, "Gee Mom, why not just kill me now and spare me the agony".

So obviously this revelation caused a few tense moments between BF and I, with no apparent resolution other than the fact that I was not going to be here. Neither of us were happy about it, but a boy has to do what a boy has to do when his Mother starts throwing around the Italian guilt. That's a force of nature that is hard to reckon with on any normal day.

Then this weekend, Mama Destino called me. I asked her about the menu for Thursday, and if she needed anything of course. That's when she got quiet for a moment. My mother quiet on the phone is usually a sign that prophetic words are about to be uttered.

She said she just wasn't up to having the family for the Holiday, especially when they would all be invading her house in December. It would mean multiple overnight guests including my sister and her Satanic spawn, and Mom just doesn't want to deal with them. So she says.

I know it was just that her Spidey sense knew it was causing issues for me. I am her favorite son after all. And I know she loves me the best. And she always says I'm cute. Gotta love that.

Decision Time

2005-11-17T11:58:00.000-05:00

I thought about it long and hard. No, not that. Although that is a nice thought..., but I digress.

I don't like me on NaNoWriMo. The BF does not like me on NaNoWriMo. My dog does not like me on NaNoWriMo.

So I have given up. I thought it was a fun idea, but in execution, it is just not my cup of green tea. The biggest problem is in the method of writing. Had I chosen something less, well, interesting I guess, then it would be different. I probably could have whipped out a technical manual of 50,000 words without really even thinking about it.

But I chose to write a murder mystery. It's a genre I love to read and always wanted to try my hand at writing. So I did. And guess what? I fell in love. No, not him. I was already in love with the BF. I mean my protagonist. I was giving him lots of quantity time, but hardly any quality time.

If I can't spend more quality time with him, then I have to break it off. He deserves so much more than a feeble attempt at pushing out mass quantities of words with a blatant disregard to his feelings. He needs to be nourished, and nurtured.

And that is just what I am going to do. I am going to get our relationship back to the way it was. Back in Chapter One.

Standing in the sea of boxes, he didn't realize he was not alone.

Yup.

2005-11-16T12:06:00.000-05:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

I'm still writing. I am going on record as stating, I AM NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN.

I don't really like writing this way. I want to think about what I am writing, not just putting words on paper. Prose flows. Not. I am never going to be famous writing this way.

Other than that, alls well in Joeyville. Nothing happening. Well there's the whole holiday issue coming up, but we'll broach that later. So what's everyone else up to?

I got my hands full

2005-11-11T15:37:00.000-05:00

I've been writing like crazy. I'll be updating this weekend when I feel like taking some time away. Until then, Happy Friday!

It's a Mystery

2005-11-09T07:30:00.000-05:00

I'm writing. That's a good thing. I'm still stiff (and not in a good way) from the weekend, so sitting for long periods is difficult to say the least. That's not a good thing.

I'm also behind on my favorite procrastination activity of reading everyone else's blogs (which is the normal reason I don't get posts on here).

So I am making this brief today. I really need to get back to the novel. I'm leaving you with a tease (or two if you count the picture). Here's the first line of the novel. Actually it's the first line of chapter one (there's a prologue as well).

Standing in the sea of boxes, he did not realize that he was not alone in the house.

Just kill me

2005-11-07T12:28:00.000-05:00

I have transformed procrastination into a new art form. I should have spent time this weekend working on my NaNoWriMo (which I am sure is Japanese for I don't want to write no more) novel. But no. I'm the one with the boyfriend remember. The boyfriend, who only needs to flash those baby blues at me and he gets his way. He is truly evil. Spawn of Satan evil.

First it was going out on Friday night. He really wanted to hang out with friends. But not alone. Oh no, I had to be there too. "But Honey," he said, "I look better when I am standing next to you." Uh huh. I can translate that. That actually means, "Because you are older, I look really hot when I stand near you."

Saturday it was a trip out to see the leaves. I thought for sure it was going to be a road trip - out and back fairly quickly. Uh huh. Mr. Younger-and-in-such-better-shape decided it would be nice to walk through Valley Forge. All of Valley Forge. That's 2500 acres. I believe at least 2499 of that is uphill. By the time I got back there was going to be no writing. Nope, I was too tired to sit up. Satan Jr. drew me a bath and then proceeded to... Oh c'mon, you can figure that part out.

And then yesterday. Oh yes. The day when I thought I would engineer the procrastination all on my own. I wanted to spend the day watching football from the safety of some horizontal surface. Nope. The Prince of Darkness got a call from friends who wanted to PLAY football. And of course he said yes. I'm thinking, cool, he can go and I can just lie here. That’s when he said, “Of course Joey will come.”

Today I am sitting here at work, heating pad on my back, bandage on my arm, and bruises on my face, chest, sides, and thighs. I am not into pain. At all. Please someone, kill me. At least send pain killers!

Are you nuts?

2005-11-02T12:40:00.000-05:00

Normally the pictures I post are chosen for a specific reason. They either illustrate the topic I am discussing, or reflect my mood at the time of the post.

I am sure that was already apparent to anyone who stops by here. And for the rest of you, now you'll look twice.

But today's picture you will assume has absolutely nothing to do with this post. I'll prove you wrong. Later.

I have done something that will prove to people who think I am crazy, that they are completely and utterly correct. I barely have any free time at all to do anything that is, well, just for me. I treasure each and every rare minute I scrounge up to just do absolutely nothing.

So what do I go and do, you ask? Well I decided to join a writing project. Not just any little ol' writing project either. I joined in the NaNoWriMo project. Yes dear friends it is National Novel Writing Month, and I have agreed to attempt the 50,000 word goal by the end of November.

See. Told you I was nuts.

So for the next few weeks, I may occasionally throw some snippets up here just to show you I am working on it.

Oh. How does Reichen figure into this post? He's the model for one of my main characters. I mean, come on, how much more inspiration could a boy ask for? :)

ps: Thanks to everyone for their very kind words when I wasn't feeling well. That was very sweet, and very appreciated.

Ugh

2005-10-31T05:55:00.000-05:00

Since it's Halloween I guess it fits. I've had what is best known as the "creeping cruds" for most of the past week. My system seems to have been fighting off - something. While most people around me had aches and chills, and sore throats, exhaustion, and general malaise, I've mostly just had the exhaustion. Sleep has been my best friend. I missed the weekend totally, opting to trade costumes and frolic for the comfort of my couch and a quilt.

I spent most of last week trudging to work, and coming home to rest. Is it better to be all out sick, or just going through the body war that keeps you tired? Well when you are completely ill, you stay home and get better. This way, I was still functional, just miserable. Feeling better today - so far anyway.

Scary creatures will be coming to my door tonight. I think maybe I'll leave the candy bowl on the porch, and get some sleep.

Oddly enough

2005-10-25T19:11:00.000-04:00

Someone mentioned I should take a look at my statistics to see the keywords that people type into search engines that ultimately lead to this corner of the world. So here is two seconds of searches. I must say, it's ummmm, interesting. And disturbing...

18:00:02 joeydestino.blogspot.com (Google)
Well that makes sense.

18:00:02 Steve Sandvoss (AOL)
Wise choice. I loves me some Steve!

18:00:01 stephen lynch what halloween means to me (Yahoo)
Another wise choice. BTW, I do not profit from the link to his site. Unless he gets me tickets (Hint Hint Stephen).

18:00:01 hot guys (Netscape)
Well that one makes sense too! Why do people think these searches are odd?

18:00:01 Try this one," said Jack, "and I'll say it just one time. Tell you what, we could a had a good (Google)
Oh dear goddess, you typed all of that? You can find the whole story online typing a lot less than that.

18:00:01 NJ gym masturbate shower (Google)
I don't remember stringing those 4 expressions together so it must be a shore post. Oh and, ewwwwww. Never masturbate in a gym shower. Do that at home. Now if someone else is doing it to you...

18:00:01 get traveling destin (MSN)
I have no clue on this one.

18:00:01 Marc Sparky Bartolomeo photo OR picture (Google)
Good taste :)

18:00:01 fake drowning (Google)
Hmmm. Ah, the lifeguard post!

18:00:01 hot guys (AOL)
Wow, that's popular.

18:00:01 i want to read brokeback mountain (MSN)
Ok fine. Here's a hint people. Try doing a search on Amazon's site. The whole text is there.

18:00:01 sucksdick (MSN)
Why yes, that's what men who date other men do. Usually. According to Margaret Cho it's the secret to great abs.

18:00:01 lesbian strap on sex samples (Yahoo)
Oh Sweet-Cher-In-Spandex-And-Leather, are you in the wrong place!!!

Courage

2005-10-25T13:19:00.000-04:00

In "Quiet Strength: The Faith, the Hope, and the Heart of a Woman Who Changed a Nation," a later autobiography, Parks said she wanted to be known as "a person who is concerned about freedom and equality and justice and prosperity for all people."

In 1955, the year of the famous bus incident near the intersection of Montgomery and Moulton streets, Parks was 42 years old. She denies that she remained seated because she was tired. "The only tired I was, was tired of giving in," she said.

Halloween

2005-10-20T12:17:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite people (and a very funny guy), Stephen Lynch, has a new Halloween song out. You can listen to it here:

The Halloween Song

If you are at work, or around small kids, I would suggest headphones. I have a feeling Ms. Bee's Knees will love this one!

Incidentally, Stephen will be appearing on Broadway in March as "The Wedding Singer".

Of course Stephen will be getting me opening night tickets for the plug :).

When the boyfriend's away...

2005-10-18T12:27:00.000-04:00

BF left last Wednesday for a trip out of town, and will not be back until later this week. Now we normally don't see each other every day as it is. Often just a few times during the week, and usually we spend weekends together.

Well this past weekend I was alone.

So you know what that means. Let me see...

Wine, a trip into the city, tucking bills in go-go boys' g-strings, loud music, martinis, leather, downstairs at the Bike Stop, singing at the Tavern, groping strangers, testing DNA samples of every hot guy in the bar, following that really really hot baseball player home, and then...

Yeah that's all of the things that could have happened. But they didn't. My weekend was quiet. Saint Hazel barely ever left the house. I got a lot of cleaning done without the added distraction of BF around. Laundry is caught up. Closets changed over for cold weather. New shelf paper in the kitchen cabinets. CDs organized.

Sigh. I'm getting old.

And I miss him.

Never squeeze it like that.

2005-10-14T12:46:00.000-04:00

Time: One evening this past summer
Scene: At the shore

JD: Awww shit! That shot right in my eye!!!! Shit!!!!!!

BF: Oh Honey, I am so sorry!

JD: Oh man that fraking burns!!!!

BF: Do you want me to get you something to wipe it off with?

JD: No, I want you to lick it off. Of course – get something! Owww. Crap!!!

BF: I’m really really really sorry. I didn’t mean for it to hit your eye.

JD: I told you if you squeezed it like that, that would happen.

BF: I tried to cover it with my hand, but it just sort of shot out before I was ready.

JD: Damn, I’m probably going to be blind now! Do you have any idea what it feels like to have this in your eye?

BF: No, Honey, it’s never ever happened to me before. I am so sorry.

JD: Can you see me trying to explain why I can’t see out of my eye to my boss? Or my family? Or my friends?

BF: Maybe if we rinse your eye out with water?

JD: I’m going to be disfigured for life, because you had to squeeze it like that!!!

BF: Babe, I am really truly sorry. Really. Next time I’ll do what you said, slow down, take my time, and make sure it’s covered.

JD: Oh there is not going to be a next time!

BF: What?

JD: No. Absolutely not. Next time I’ll do it by myself.

BF: But...

JD: No, you are forbidden to ever touch another lemon. If I want lemon on my fish, I will do it myself!

BF: Did I mention I love you?

JD: Sigh.

What's the news across the nation?

2005-10-13T09:02:00.000-04:00

Things to do while getting ready for work. My take on today's headlines:

Deadly bird flu strain found in Turkey
Oh great, there goes my dinner plans for Thanksgiving

Fox Cancels 'The Simple Life'
And we care why?

Republican Senate leader subpoenaed in possible insider trading probe
There's a shock. Anyone wanna guess on how he'll get off?

Fox Ends Paris' "Life"
It was only a matter of time before someone did.

First day of school for aspiring Vatican exorcists
From the people who had problems with Harry Potter

Report: It's Over for Jude and Sienna
And we care why?

Couples on East, West Coasts Wait to Wed
Join the club. We've been waiting a long time ourselves.

Martha Stewart to build houses with KB Home
Will anyone be shocked if they turn out to all be celery green?

Woman's body found at recycling center
Makes sense to me

A Historic Discovery, in Beethoven's Own Hand
Let me guess. His dick?

'Prada' latest: So not worth it
I've been saying that for years

Apple follows up portable music with launch of video iPod
Gee, wonder what they will release next month that everyone will rush out to buy? Any of you who want to sell me your old iPods, let me know.

An Antarctica Sighting in Central Park
Unless it shows up in DC, the Republicans will still deny Global Warming

Yahoo To Bar Pedophile Chat Rooms
They just thought of this now?

New Heatshield Design Tests Europe and Russian Researchers
Wonder how many they can strap on to the rocket at a time?

A note from Judy Shepard

2005-10-12T09:58:00.000-04:00

October 12th 2005, is the seventh anniversary of my son Matthew's murder. His murder prompted unprecedented media coverage and focused the nation's attention on anti-gay hate crimes like never before. These past few weeks I have been thinking about what has changed - and what has not changed. What has been done to make our communities safe from violence resulting from anti-gay hate? I quickly learned my son's violent death was a fairly common occurrence. This prompted our family to create the Matthew Shepard Foundation and do our part to create a more respectful and caring culture free from hate. I have spent the past seven years traveling across the nation, speaking to schools, churches, anyone who will listen, to try and stem the tide of hate that is eating away at the fabric of our culture.

The number of hate crimes against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people has not varied much during the last five years. They remain the third highest category after race and religion. However, it is apparent that there are certain changes in the 'environment' that do impact hate crime activity. In New York City, every July, anti-gay violence usually increases by about 8% as people respond to the outreach programs and the visibility of the Pride celebrations. After the Lawrence v. Texas decision and the premiere of additional gay identified television shows, anti-gay violence in New York City rose 52%.

It's clear that in some ways, our nation has become a more accepting place. We have witnessed the progress of gay and lesbian rights with the recent Supreme Court decision, Lawrence v Texas. We have seen our neighbor to the North - Ontario, Canada - acknowledge same-sex marriages. They have recognized that same sex couples are as deserving of the same equal rights and responsibilities as heterosexual couples. We have seen gay adoptions increase. We have seen growing visibility, acceptance and understanding of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in our families, in the corporate world and in our culture.

However, we must also remember that there has been scant progress in areas of legislation and securing equal rights for the gay community. We continue to fight for hate crime legislation that will include sexual orientation, gender, and disability, and for federal job protection based on sexual orientation. Yes, you can be fired for being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender in 36 states of this nation. It is as if we are living in two Americas - one that tunes in to "Queer Eye for a Straight Guy" but turns a blind eye to the injustices gay and lesbian people still face.

It is evident that with progress comes the inevitable attack by those who are threatened by our work for justice and fairness. Visibility - whether in the media or being out of the closet if you are gay - can serve as an unfortunate catalyst. Those who are threatened by our community are threatened by these strides. In 2003, more than 30 cities and towns reported crimes against gays. The vast majority do not garner national headlines like my son's murder did. Sakia Gunn, a 15 year old lesbian was fatally stabbed in Newark, New Jersey on 5/11/03, F.C. Martinez, a Navajo, transgender 16-year old murdered in a bias motivated attack are two examples but the list goes on. We have so far to go, so much hate is out there. It must be acknowledged, addressed and erased before any of us are safe.

As we approach the anniversary of Matthew's murder it is appropriate to redouble my efforts to invoke a grassroots solution to this problem. It is a solution that begins with parents, educators, clergy and our communities as a whole. We have the opportunity to help our children understand and accept diversity before their school years begin and before hate can provoke violent actions. If we do our jobs correctly, it should never cross the minds of our children to harm someone, physically or emotionally, because of their gender, race, national origin, religion, disability or gender identity and expression.

Hate is a learned behavior. If a child is taught to hate and fear diversity, then the next place he or she expresses that hate is at school. Ten percent of all hate crimes occur at schools and colleges . Bullying in our nation's schools has resulted in countless acts of violence. The cycle continues until that child who is filled with hate becomes an adult citizen in your community and begins to teach others to hate.

Please help your children understand diversity without fearing it. Be an example of acceptance and compassion. The consequences of hate hurt everyone. It hurts not only the victim - it hurts their family and friends. It destroys the families of the perpetrators. Lives are lost, lives are ruined and lives are changed forever.

Matthew Shepard Foundation

Got to let it show

2005-10-11T08:49:00.000-04:00

So it's National Coming Out Day here in the US. Yes, the mail is still delivered, banks are open, and the government has to go to work. Well, whatever it is that they do, they have to be in their offices.

I thought I would take time to celebrate today by sharing my coming out story. But. I don't have one. Oh I am sure there are little stories here and there about when I first told so and so. But thinking back, I don't really remember a time where I planned and agonized over telling someone. I probably have, but I may have just blocked it out.

See I have never been one to just announce to the world that I am gay. Nor have I ever been one to hide it. I am sure that I have, in deference to my not being beaten to a pulp or saving my job in years past.

Gay is just one adjective that describes me. I live by the "You ask, I'll tell" policy. If I believe the person asking has any malicious intent whatsoever, I answer the question flippantly, and then follow up with a question right back. "Damn straight I am. Are you homophobic, or just interested in taking me to dinner?".

So there you have it. My not so exciting not really coming out story. So should you be Out and Proud? Well, I believe everyone should do what is best for them. If you want to paste a rainbow sticker on your forehead and be out and loud, by all means do so. If that's just not you, then don't. But just be honest with yourself, and love yourself. Everything else will fall in place.

Boys are Icky

2005-10-07T08:22:00.000-04:00

So it's 5:00 AM and I stumble into the bathroom, led by the toilet-seeking divining rod that I am attached to. As I am walking across the tile in my semi-sleeping state, my foot steps on something. Something small, but hard.

Let me preface by saying, I hate stepping on things. One morning I walked out onto my patio and stepped on an earthworm. My neighbors were not happy with the shrill piercing scream at 5 in the morning let me tell you. Ok so I thought it was a snake. I hate snakes. And earthworms. And things you step on that are wet and slimy. Well okay, things in general.

Anyway, back to the bathroom. Now as soon as my foggy brain made sense of the fact that I had indeed stepped on something, on a floor that should have been relatively clean, a stream of obscenities come flying from my mouth. Well it's better than screaming and much more beneficial to the spirit.

Of course I can't stop to look what it is that I stepped on because Mr. Johnson has only one thing on his one-eyed mind, and that is the toilet in front of him. Picture if you will, being in the front of your toilet, urinating, with something on your foot that may or may not have cut it. You are only half-awake. Of course you do the inevitable. You lift your foot to look. While urinating.

Mmmm-hmmm. Yep. Now the toilet is wet where it shouldn't be. The floor is wet. The sink is wet. The roll of toilet paper is wet. I am wet. The day is not starting off well.

Note to self: just because the BF is cute and handsome and smart and sexy and caring and awesome, does not mean you can't kill him for leaving toenail clippings on the floor which become embedded in your foot when stepped on.

Guess Who

2005-10-04T12:31:00.000-04:00

Well Ray started it. He had to post a pic of his new BF. And the BF is HOT!

So I thought maybe I would post a pic of the guy that makes my heart flutter. That's him over there-->

So let me tell you about him. For months now, every Saturday and Sunday morning I wake up, and there he is. Always smiling. Always helpful. He does a lot of charity work too in his spare time. He's very athletic, and will try just about anything. As you can see from the pic, he is a triathlete too. His name is Adam.

Now wouldn't you want to wake up in bed on the weekend and see him? Well you can if you live in this area. He does the weekend weather (a meteorologist) for a local news station.

Oh I almost forgot. Please don't tell BF about him. I don't want him to know there's a new man in my life, at least not until Adam actually meets me and asks me to marry him. And Adam, if you read this, call me.

Oh no you di'in't

2005-09-30T13:05:00.000-04:00

We interrupt our normally scheduled slightly humorous and self-absorbed post, to bring you a public service announcement.

You see, a number of my fellow bloggers are going through some rough times right now, and I was working on something humorous to lighten the blogosphere (Shuttup, it's a word. Because I said so that's why!). But then I received an email from a "fan". What sort of email, you ask? Let's just say it was not a "I love you Joey" type email. Nope, this person was berating me for going on and on about BF, and my wonderful life.

My first thought of course was, "Jesus Christ, would you rather read the entries from my private journal where I almost committed suicide last year after Kirk was killed?". Okay, I thought not.

So yes, right now things are going well here in Joeyland. It wasn't always the case. And it may not be in the future. But that's just the way it is. But make no mistake. I still have debt, car payments, a mortgage, and I do live damn near paycheck to paycheck. But yes, there are blessings in my life. A good job, a man who seems to adore me (and I don't understand why), and my own house. What you don't really know is the struggle to get myself to this point. Maybe I'll share it someday. But for now, no.

So to my friends who are having problems, I am here. I'll help if I can.

And to the anonymous "fan", write what you want on your own damn blog, and don't read mine if it bothers you so much. Oh, and, I like the pictures I post. Get over it!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled humorous post.

Hear about the new gay sitcom?
"Leave it, it's Beaver."

Taking The Fall

2005-09-28T08:43:00.000-04:00

Okay. It is very very hard to do this but, I admit it. It's Fall.

It was in the upper 40s last night, and the highs this weekend won't even get into the 70s (For people using the Celsius system - I have no clue what that translates into).

Fall this year is a little easier to deal with. Last year, well in addition to the season change I was dealing with a death. And I don't remember it being this cold this early last year. But then again I was pretty numb through the whole ordeal.

So last night, because of the colder temperatures I actually wore a t-shirt and underwear to bed. No more sleeping au naturelle for the year (Oh, I guess that was a TMI). At least not on nights when I am by myself.

It's no secret that I HATE cold weather. I am a summer boy, and will always be one. And when Fall comes a summer boy's fancy turns to nesting. Yes, you heard me correctly, nesting. I'm giving serious consideration into having BF move in. Well maybe at least sleep here more nights a week. I mean, come on, it's a win-win situation. I get to snuggle up to a warm guy, and he gets more bumpity-bumpity.

You know, maybe this Fall thing isn't so bad after all.

Handling it

2005-09-25T21:37:00.000-04:00

Even though we don't live together, nor do we spend every day or evening together, BF and I have become an old married couple. We spend weekend evenings at home (usually my place), reading books, watching movies, ordering in pizza, etc...

No, it's true. Our relationship has progressed to the point where joy for us is in simple thought-provoking in-depth conversation.

Let me give you a sample of a conversation from just last evening as we lay on the couch together in front of the TV:

BF: Can I ask you a question?
Me: Of course Babe.
BF: Well...I was just...wondering something.
Me: Yes...
BF: I was just wondering...
Me: Honey, what is it?
BF: Well I have been noticing a little habit of yours, and well...
Me: Yes...
BF: Well, why do you always have your hand on your penis?
Me: Excuse me?
BF: No it's true.
Me: I have no idea what you are talking about.
BF: Whenever you are home, whenever we are just sitting around, you always have your hand on your penis.
Me: That is so not true. I don't have my hand on my penis right now.
BF: That's because you have your hand on my penis.
Me: Oh. I guess I do. Well from now on I will just touch your penis and not mine.
BF: That's not what I meant at all. I was just
Me: Shut up and kiss me.

Moving along

2005-09-22T08:55:00.000-04:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

I've given this a lot of thought. I truly feel it is time to move on. There's a number of reasons. Blogger has been down a lot lately. Blogrolling is constantly down. It's been very frustrating trying to eek out the few missives that I do every week.

So it's time to give it up.

Oh, I'm still going to be blogging. But I think it's time to move on to my own server.

So to my fellow bloggers, what do you recommend? Which webhost (think cheap, I don't have a sugar daddy!). Which blogging software? And is there a decent alternative to blogrolling.com?

Please let me know either through comments - or you can email me direct. joeydestino at yahoo dot com.

Mind if I come....

2005-09-19T06:13:00.000-04:00

Sunday afternoon. Phone rings...

Me: "Hello."

HSNB: "Hey Joey, whatcha doin?"

Me: "Laying on the couch, watching football."

HSNB: "Cool!, Mind if I come over and watch it with you?"

Me: "Well, I'm kind of ummm, naked."

HSNB: After a very brief pause, clearing his throat... "I could bring some beer over."

Me: "BF is on the couch with me."

HSNB: "Oh. Uh. Well, uh. Well call me when you get up. I mean, uh, uh."

Me: "I'll call you later."

HSNB: "Uh, sure." click

BF: Laughing, after relating the part of the conversation he didn't hear... "I'm surprised you didn't just tell him to come."

Me: Crying from laughing so hard... "Something tells me he will. But not here".

Going Down......Under

2005-09-16T12:51:00.000-04:00

I guess it was the sound of movement in the room that stirred me. Then I felt a hand brush through my hair. In that moment of just-awakening-semi-conciousness I had the most terrifying thought...I don't know where I am.

My eyes slowly opened, to the sight of him standing next to my bed. Wait, this isn't my bed. And who is this guy?

"Morning. I thought you might like some coffee," he said through his amazingly bright - at least for that time of the day - perfect teeth with a heart-melting Australian accent. Are my eyes still fuzzy, or is he naked? Oh wait. Yep. I'm naked.

"Thanks," I said while attempting to at least sit up. Oh. My. God. I know where I am. I know who he is. Holy Mother of Disco. I slept with DAN!!!

As he handed me the coffee, he leaned in and kissed me, a quick little kiss. Oh please don't let me spill the coffee.

The first time I ever saw Dan was my first time on the beach here at the shore house. Dan was the lifeguard. I truly remember sitting there everyday with my friends discussing all of the ways I could possibly fake drowning. If you had seen him, you would understand why swallowing a wee bit of sea water was worth it! The boy was hot. Lifeguard hot. "I swear I am going to spend my life at the gym to look like that" hot. Australian lifeguard hot. My days were spent drooling all over the white sand. And plotting how to drown without actually drowning.

One night my housemates and I went out to a local place for some libations and gyrations (as we call it). The place was packed and the huge bar was seven-people-deep to even get a drink. It was decided that I should be the one to push my way through and get us all refills, since I was the tallest (logic in my group of friends is a whole other story). I was about 3 people away when I noticed who the bartender was. My hands started to shake. My knees felt like they were going to give way, and of course when I got to the bar, I could barely utter anything. Dan. In front of me. Leaning in to me. Smiling. Perfect teeth. "What can I get ya," spoken in a beautiful accent. Hot.

I finally ordered the drinks in whatever language and combination of words that came out of my mouth. When he brought them, I tried to put the money in his hand (because by that time I figured this may well be my only chance to ever touch him). He pushed the money back into my hand, closing it, and wrapping his hand around mine and holding it for an all too brief lifetime. He was grinning as he said, "On me". He had no idea how much I wished that was true.

The weeks flew by as I ~~stalked him~~ spent days on the beach, and nights at the bar. And well, you already know where this tale leads itself. After getting to know him, and finding out there was interest on his part as well (Naive Joey, remember?), we started to spend a lot of time together. And there were more nights like the one at the beginning of this story. Lots more - he said grinning. But at the end of summer he had to return to Australia. We still write. He has a great guy in his life, and so do I. But some summer days, when I am on that beach, and I look up at that lifeguard chair, I wonder where life would have led me if he had not gone back.

A stroll

2005-09-12T12:30:00.000-04:00

She tapped me lightly on the shoulder and said, "Walk with me, Mr. Cusack".

"Of course," I replied. "Water side or beach?"

"Beach. I know how much you love the surf."

"That's very kind of you."

"The air is a bit cooler, had you noticed?" she asked.

Letting out a huge sigh, the question was answered.

"I won't be seeing you again, this year. I'll be moving on to a warmer clime. But I know you will be here when I return." she said.

"Absolutely, Miss Novak. I can't imagine anything else really. There's no place I love as much."

Gripping my hand she said "You take very good care of that young man of yours. I like him very much. As they say, he is a very old soul. Much like you."

"Well I am rather smitten by him," I said grinning.

She stopped, looking over the waves toward the horizon. It was almost as if there was something there, very distant, calling to her. "Love is very fleeting. Guard it well. Nurture it through the cold months and tend it as you would the fire in your fireplace. It is all the warmth you will need to get you through."

"Miss Novak, is there someone..."

She stopped me from finishing.

"That Mr. Cusack, is a tale for another summer."

Vay Kay Shun

2005-08-30T08:13:00.000-04:00

See that blogroll over there on the left? No, your other left. There are a lot of awesome awesome writers with differing viewpoints on the gay experience on that list.

Please spend the next two weeks getting to know them. And then on Sept. 12th, stop back here.

In the meantime, I am spending my last two vacation weeks here at the shorehouse. I have been asked to limit my internet time by - well you know who - so I am taking time to recharge. And write.

So have fun, be good, be safe, and see you in two weeks!

Love ya, jd

I wish I knew how to quit you.

2005-08-25T07:58:00.000-04:00

It's a long time till December 5, but I can tell you that I can barely stand my excitement for this movie after seeing the trailer.

I read this story many many years ago, and it had a profound effect on me then. I spent 5 minutes crying my eyes out just seeing the trailer! I am going to be a complete mess at the theatre!

I truly hope Ang Lee gives justice to this story. I truly do.

"I got a say this to you one time, Jack, and I ain't foolin. What I don't know," said Ennis, "all them things I don't know could get you killed if I should come to know them."

"Try this one," said Jack, "and I'll say it just one time. Tell you what, we could a had a good life together, a fuckin real good life. You wouldn't do it, Ennis, so what we got now is Brokeback Mountain. Everthing built on that. It's all we got, boy, fuckin all, so I hope you know that if you don't never know the rest. Count the damn few times we been together in twenty years. Measure the fuckin short leash you keep me on, then ask me about Mexico and then tell me you'll kill me for needin it and not hardly never gettin it. You got no fuckin idea how bad it gets. I'm not you. I can't make it on a couple a high-altitude fucks once or twice a year. You're too much for me, Ennis, you son of a whoreson bitch. I wish I knew how to quit you."

Here's a link to the trailer, but ummm, you may want to grab your kleenex first:

Brokeback Mountain Trailer

Oh puh-leeze

2005-08-23T12:32:00.000-04:00

I've removed the links to the pics in the previous post. It seems Mr. Law's "people" do not like his pictures appearing on the innernets.

Hey at least they read my blog! :)

So if Mr. Law is looking for a co-star for his next project, I could be available. Contact my agent.

So.

How's everyone else? Anyone threatening to sue you lately?

Hey Jude!

2005-08-17T06:45:00.000-04:00

Wow. I always thought that Jude Law was a good actor, and I never truly thought he was hot until I saw Cold Mountain. But after seeing this pic, I'm thinking - boy takes care of himself :)

What? Oh yeah, I only posted a part of the pic for those of you who may read the blog at work. ~~If you click on the pic though, you will get to see what his fiancee and his nanny got all hot and bothered over.~~

This story even made the news!

Update: Apparently there are more pictures. Here are the links:

Now that's Progress!

2005-08-16T12:17:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine forwarded this today in an email. The New York Times printed this picture of the VJ day celebration in NYC which commemorated the famous photo taken on VJ Day.

So what's so progressive about this picture?

If you look, I think you can figure it out!

To write or not to write, that is the question....

2005-08-15T07:52:00.000-04:00

I received the following in an email and thought I would share it. As those of you who read my scribblings here already know, I have dabbled with being an actual author for most of my life. Hasn't happened yet - well at least not having a novel published. So the writer geek in me found this amusing, and I think anyone who has had a sanctimonious professor may agree:

When I was an English major in college, I took Shakespeare 201Shakespeare 101 was the plays EVERYONE read. Shakespeare 201 was the
lesser known plays. I read the plays and judged the characters by what they did. My instructor read the plays and judged the characters by what they said. Needless to say we had very different interpretations of both the characters and the plays. I thought Othello was the stupidest play ever written. Othello was my instructor's favorite play. Similarly we had very different interpretations of King Lear.

At that time, they gave split grades such as A/A or B/A on papers in the English department where I went to college. The first grade was on content. The second grade was on writing style. I am the only person I know of to get an F/A, and it was in that Shakespeare class. F for content. A for writing style. The instructors comment "What you wrote was such absolute garbage that I nearly failed to notice how well it was written." That's funny...I thought the same thing about Othello.

The result was that I became an Economics major. Probably a good choice.

What's the news across the nation?

2005-08-11T09:04:00.000-04:00

When I get to work in the morning, I normally open up my My Yahoo page and scan the headlines. I have about 40 different news feeds on my page because - well first off I am a news junkie, and secondly because I have such varied interests. I also keep track of all the tech news since I am a geek.

When I skim the headlines I always get a first impression about what the article may contain. I'm sure it's not always what the author intended. So I decided I would share some headlines with you, and my first impressions. This may very well be an insight into how twisted my mind truly is. I'll include the links for you too, just in case you want to read the story:

Parent-trap snares recruiters
Shouldn't a parent trap snare parents?

Unhappy Owens suspended by Eagles
Shuttup and Play. And dear goddess please strike down his manager.

Clay wins decathlon gold to deny Sebrle
I thought the only thing Clay Aiken did was sing. And hide in the closet.

Hollywood star Angelina Jolie is Cambodian citizen
Good. One more psycho gone.

Street taps education secretary
Proofreader must be on vacation. Either that or there's a scandal in Philly City Hall.

US officials go to hackers' convention to recruit
All the other criminals are in government already. Guess they had to go somewhere new.

Opera Offers Web Browsing For Low-End Mobile Phones
That woman is into everything.

For IBM And Sun, Bigger Is Still Better
Size queens

Fugitive Couple Used Cab to Escape to Ohio
No wonder they were caught. They probably gave up willingly from the stench in the cab.

Defense of Marriage Coalition fined $19,811
$19,000? Oooooo that'll teach 'em!

Murder and mayhem, the perfect comedy cocktail
We all need a hobby.

Unocal swallowed by Chevron after Chinese pullout
Wasn't Jeff Stryker in that movie?

Courtney Love Reportedly Fails Drug Test
And that surprises anyone because...? You'd think she'd pass - seems to study enough.

Inevitable?

2005-08-07T19:40:00.000-04:00

Well life here in Perfect has been, ummm, perfect.

Great job, great house, great guy, great summer rental.

I'm afraid however, that it's all just smoke and mirrors. The other shoe is about to drop. The sword of Damacles will fall from it's hair. The fat drag queen is about to sing. The tide is t.... You get the picture.

Can it be that you can be so happy that you are miserable? What if I wake up and it's January and none of it happened?

Or can it be that a certain anniversary is coming up, and I am not ready to handle it? Or is it just that I am terrified that it could happen again?

I hate shark week

2005-08-01T13:05:00.000-04:00

Originally uploaded by joeydestino.

I am truly having what is most likely the best summer of my life - so far. I don't even think childhood summers were ever this much fun.

My weeks of course are filled with work. Luckily my work is for the most part enjoyable. And the weekends have been spectacular!

I have spent good quality time with friends almost every weekend. I continue to do things that are a little out of the norm for me. And BF has had a huge hand in that. Our relationship constantly manages to surprise me. I would never have expected to find someone that I did not have to "mother" in some way or another.

That is, until this weekend. He decided he wanted to learn how to surf. Of course he knows I have the hots for surfer boys, so I should have seen it coming. I love the water. I love the shore. I love boats. Hell I even love parasailing. But. I will never, ever, surf. And now that he is taking lessons, my maternal instincts are kicking in. Thoughts of sharks keep running through my head. And trust me on this one. I don't want anyone or anything eating him.

'Cept me of course ;)

Miss Novak

2005-07-26T12:54:00.000-04:00

6:30AM Saturday I was sitting on the beach watching, reflecting, meditating. Hearing a noise behind me I turned, and there she was.

"Good morning, Miss Novak", I said.

"Good morning, Mr. Cusack", she replied as she sat next to me.

"Here's your cappuccino", I said, handing the take out cup to her.

"How did you know I would be here, darling boy?", she asked.

"A hunch I guess. I just sensed it."

"Well, you always were sensitive, n'est-ce pas? Now tell me all about this new young man of yours", she answered, grinning.

Miss Novak and I go back a long way, and in many ways I feel as if I have known her all my life. We met several years ago on this very spot. But, that was not the first time I had seen her. Actually I had been on the beach late one afternoon when I noticed her, walking with the grace and bearing of someone royal, or, a star. As she came closer I could see that she was older, much older. I would guess early seventies, although her face and skin conceal the true age. She had luxurious blonde hair streaked with white pulled back into a clip at her neck. Her swimsuit was a deep blue, and she wore a chiffon type wrap around her shoulders. Although I could not see her eyes behind the Hollywood starlet sunglasses, I could tell she was magnificently beautiful. One name came to mind, Kim Novak.

The day we met, here I sat, doing what I was doing now, reflecting. She came up behind me then as well. "Would you mind if I sit with you a moment, young man?", she asked in a honey tone reminiscent of bearing. "Not at all, please do.", I had replied, intrigued by this request. We talked for well onto an hour about many things, something we would repeat often over the next several years. I have never truly known her name. I had told her once that she looked like Kim Novak, and when pressed for her actual name, she said "Miss Novak, will do. And I shall call you Mr. Cusack because you remind me of that magnificent young actor." That was fine with me. I've always had a thing for John Cusack, and I have been told I somewhat resemble him.

I've spent many mornings with Miss Novak, and my Tales of Summer would have to include her for them to be truly told. On this morning, I gave her a present. Inside was a new wrap for the beach, hand-embroidered on the back in gold were the words, No Autographs Today Please. After all, a star should not be bothered as she is walking the beach reflecting, or sitting with her Mr. Cusack discussing life.

Come Fly With Me

2005-07-19T12:34:00.000-04:00

BF is extremely sweet. Not just to me, but to everyone. This is a dangerous thing. No really. You see, that innocence is a trap. Case in point:

Friday evening, sitting outside enjoying another muggy evening, BF asks me if I had any specific plans the next day. I said, "No, not really", without even another thought as to the fact that those three words could have meant my death.

He said, good. And got quiet. I asked why. "I have a surprise planned". All he would tell me was that it was something I had never done on the island before.

I love spontaneity. I honestly do. But. I loathe surprises. I'm sure it goes back to my childhood with some clown showing me his penis at a birthday party, but whatever the reason, I blocked it out (Hmmm, that gives me an idea for my next birthday party!).

He wouldn't say anything else all evening about it no matter how I tried to pry it out of him, even when I threatened him when my teeth were around his - oh that's too much information.

The more I had thought about it, the more I thought that this wouldn't be that much of a surprise. I can't imagine anything I haven't done on this island in the number of years I have been coming here!

So the next morning we hopped in his Jeep (oh I know - he is SO butch), and headed down the boulevard. When he started to turn I was really intrigued, because it looked like we were pulling into a motel, and he parked right next to it.

"Where are we going", I asked. "Right there", he said, pointing at the marina.

This weekend I did something I had never done before (because I was too afraid to try)and I have this wonderful guy who remembered I mentioned it months ago in passing.

I went Parasailing. Oh. My. God. It was AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!

I think I am going to have to keep my eye on this one!

I feel dirty

2005-07-13T12:51:00.000-04:00

It was the first night of my official vacation and I had gotten to the shore early. BF wasn't coming down until the next day.

HSNB was down for the weekend, so it was just the two of us that evening. I showed him some of the cooler spots on the lower end of the island, like the nature reserve, before we stopped off for dinner at the Marlin. I figured he would like the Marlin - it's full of young breeder types looking to get together and hopefully get a little action.

The food was good, and we got into some really deep discussions about when I knew I was gay, when I really was sure. The conversation drifted to high school and college and what it was like for gay men back then. By now, we had been there long enough for the band to start. He eventually found a blond augmented female to dance with, and he kept begging me to come out onto the dance floor with them. I did. While we were dancing he kept bumping into me, grabbing me, rubbing up against me, and all I could think was that he had had too much to drink. So we headed off for the house, without the blond flotation device holder.

The evening progressed with more discussion and wine, as it often does. I noticed during the conversation that he seemed to keep coming back to the topic of my understanding when I was gay. He commented often about how hot I looked with a tan, and if he were gay he would be all over me.

At one point I had gotten up to go to the bathroom, with all intentions of returning and announcing that I was done and headed to bed. By the time I had gotten back, he too had gotten ready for bed it seemed. He was dressed only in his boxer briefs. Of course, I announced I was heading for bed....soon. I was not going to miss the view!

I have to admit all of the talk to that point had confused me, and had me twelve shades of horny. He kept at it too, talking about how he wondered what it was like for two men to have sex, and asking me specific details. The wine and the conversation and the man had done me in. When I finally could take no more, I started in to bed, stopping in the kitchen to get coffee ready for morning.

HSNB said he was getting ready for bed too. He stopped off in the bathroom, and then re-appeared in the kitchen dressed for bed. Apparently he sleeps au naturale. He was leaning against a door and just sort of smiling. I was pointing due north. I grabbed him and pinned him against the door and started to kiss him, hard but tender, my hands roaming all over him.

It was then that I woke up - alone in the house - and realized I had just come the closest to having my first ever wet dream. The first words out of my mouth were..."What the hell was that?"

Back to life, back to reality

2005-07-11T12:04:00.000-04:00

Vacation was....frelling incredible. I would say it is good to be back - but I would be lying! There are going to be many many tales coming from this one. But I'm keeping it simple today. The BF made me promise that I would give up the internet for the week last week, or he would cut me off. No, not off the internet, off him.

I only caved once, when I checked email while he was in the shower. I purposely didn't enjoy myself the next time we were in bed as punishment. No, really. Well. Maybe just a little bit.

I did do a lot of writing on the novel last week, but I had to do it manually. The old-fashioned way. So there will be a lot of transcribing to do.

Well enough for today - lots of work to catch up on. Oh and bonus points today if you know where the title of this post came from. More tales tomorrow. I think I will start with my kissing HSNB.

I get the tingly sensation of a cool breeze

2005-06-30T12:41:00.000-04:00

Well I did it again. You know who (I said I would stop talking about him but I can't tell this without it) stopped me as I was about to get into the shower.

He had that look in his eye, and I wasn't sure what he was up to. Ah, something behind his back. The Trimmer! Oh great, another session of lawn care 101. So here's the deal. I can't stand taking the time to do regular shaving let alone trying to knock down a whole forest, so if he wants to do it for me, let him.

I warned him to keep it clinical and professional because I was already running late for work thanks to the morning wakeup he gave me. Let me just say, that if it's a day that ends in Y, he's more than ready. Me, after about 4 times I gotta have a break...for at least a day.

I told him I did have some problems with the aftermath of the trimming, with some itchiness. Before you think what you are thinking, it's not shaving, just trimming. But I still get itch from - oh never mind, you get the idea. So he mentions to me that if I use some conditioner "down there" it will help ease that situation. Now that made total sense to me.

So after the logging crew has completed leveling the forest, I jump in the shower. I wash up, and wash my hair, then I grab the conditioner and spread it generously over the nether regions. Ten seconds later it hit me. The expensive conditioner that my stylist conned me into buying has both peppermint and tea tree oil as ingredients.

Twenty seconds later I was screaming.

He is never touching me again. Okay, he can touch me, but not with anything that cuts.

So what's your deal? (The party.)

2005-06-27T12:18:00.000-04:00

HSNB had asked me to come over for the evening. He had said he was inviting some of his friends over for an impromptu get-together. I have met many of his friends in the past when we've gone out together. Usually though, it's been in a very loud club and conversation as a group was at a minimum. I had no idea whether they knew if I was gay or not. And I had never really thought to ask HSNB.

Once they had all shown up, I did actually know most of them and by name (Phone numbers - can't remember, but names I'm good at). It was quite a mixed group. Good conversation, good wine, good beer, good grief I'm starting to have a great time and I was getting a buzz.

One of the crowd was a gorgeous gorgeous hunk of beef, a little loud, a little overbearing, and a little - how should we say - full of himself, monopolizing conversations. I hadn't really talked to him, but then again most people didn't talk to him. They couldn't. He never gave them the chance.

I was talking to a rather attractive (Ok I just realized all of his friends are attractive) blond of the hetero female species. We were talking Oscars of all things. I felt a hand on my shoulder spin me around. It was that guy. HSNB was with him, and he introduced him.

"Joey, this is one of your fellow paesans, Anthony."

Oh dear goddess, he's a GUIDO! I should have known.

He shook my hand (practically wrenching it from the socket), and gave me a "Yo, wazzup". Oh great, a Guido who thinks he's all street.

I sort of answer him, kind of flustered by his overbearing presence. That's when he looked at me and said, "So, what's your deal?".

I swear in the 3 seconds it took me to respond, Rome could have been built. I felt a sudden panic. I swore I was drenched in sweat with cold air blasting at me. My brain didn't seem like it would engage. Was he going to out me? Was this big old Guido going to beat me to a pulp just for existing? Quick, some response, just squeak something out.

"What do you mean, Anthony?"

Oh fantastic. Now that was a response that would get me out of any situation. I had a chance to steer this away from any dangerous waters but my brain goes all W on me.

"How do you know HSNB?"

Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh. The waters were calm after all. I am truly an idiot.

Afterwards, when I asked HSNB if any of his friends knew I was gay, he laughed it off and said the coolest thing.

"Why would I tell anyone that. That's your business. Besides, no one would care. Except maybe Trisha (the blonde), and of course Anthony. They were both hot after your ass. I actually invited Anthony thinking you two might hit it off."

Hi. Have you met me? My name is Joey NAIVE-AS-HELL Destino.

I loves me some Yankees!

2005-06-23T12:19:00.000-04:00

How cool is it when your boyfriend forwards you a picture like this one!

Of course, he knows a have a soft spot for the Yankees. And a ~~hard~~ place in my ~~pants~~ heart for Derek Jeter in particular.

May i just say that if I was Gary Sheffield, I would try and kiss him just the same way! And my hand would be exactly there!

Ah, the Boys of Summer. And Young Love. Makes me all misty. All over.

So what's your deal?

2005-06-22T12:38:00.000-04:00

I was sitting on HSNB's patio, talking with some of his friends, most of whom I had met before. This one guy who I had not met suddenly turns to me, the only gay man (as far as we know) at the gathering, looks me straight in the eye and says, "So what's your deal?". I was taken back a few years, when I had heard that before...

It was summer. I was struggling to make ends meet as a young college grad in the big city. My day job didn't cover all of the bills, and I had taken a job in a club as a waiter. I soon learned that quick service, a smile, and allowing myself to be groped meant big tips! Oh sure, I am shy and demure, but I am also actor you know.

I was doing so well, that I was asked to fill in as a bartender during the week. Tuesday nights were notoriously slow, so I was able to get to know the regulars' personal lives. The chatty ones anyway. There was one guy in particular that never really said much, at least not to me. He stared a lot, but then again they all did. Bartender is high on the food chain in gay nightlife. I had a quick reputation as being "unattainable" because I didn't just follow home any guy who asked.

But this guy had the most piercing blue eyes that seem to stare through you. He obviously took care of himself for his age. Very hard body. Always an Izod shirt and jeans, gold bracelet, gold watch. Always twenties on the bar, tipped well, drank Scotch Rocks. Chivas. Always polite. But never said much past hello.

Until one night, he looked at me as I put his drink on the bar, and he said, "So what's your deal?".

His name was Paul. He was in Securities. And he was into me. I was only 22 at the time, and he was in his late thirties. Scandalous I know! But I was attracted to older men at that time, and for quite some time after he was gone from my life.

I don't remember how I answered him the first time he had spoken, but I remember that no one had said that to me since. Until now. One little phrase brought back a flood of memories of that summer, and the man who treated me like gold. He had asked me on a beach abroad that summer to spend the rest of my life with him. Many times you wonder - what if? Had I spent my life with him, who would I be now?

Accounting

2005-06-18T10:43:00.000-04:00

Seasonal rental share on Jersey shore house: $4500.00

Dinner with friends (Fresh Barnegat Bay scallops): $28.95

Six bottles of wine shared with friends: $83.00

Tracing your boyfriend's tan line with your tongue: Priceless

Oh good grief, not a post about him again.

2005-06-15T06:09:00.000-04:00

What is it that attracts someone to someone else? I don't mean just "Wow, he's hot!", I mean truly attracted. By now you all know that I originally started talking about my boyfriend here as The College Boy.

He was a teaching assistant for one of my classes. I have known him for over two years, and it was only in the past six months that we have had a relationship.

Yes, the relationship part started out as just sex. Oh be quiet, I know I broke my own rule about not having sex with someone I was interested in seeing romantically. What I didn't realize, or maybe fooled myself into not acknowledging, was that I was romantically interested in him. I have been for a long time. Granted, he is younger, but only by a few years.

We have had a number of in-depth discussions, and as it turns out, I was the one being stalked and didn't know it. He was after me. For two years. And I didn't see it coming. I said my middle name was naive, but no one believed me.

I always thought he was just a safe friend, someone who I poured my heart out to over Kirk because he was distanced from my inner circle of friends and could be objective. What I didn't realize is that it was much more. On both sides. I started dating and was just not all that interested in the guys I was seeing. Supermarket guy was too controlling, etc etc.

And the whole time there he was, just waiting to see if I would ever feel the same about him. He is very intelligent. Intelligent enough to see what I couldn't. He has stolen my heart.

Life's a Beach

2005-06-12T11:49:00.000-04:00

Well I am sorry to say that I have experienced a huge loss. My old Dell workhorse has gone home to the great god Chip.

I got home last week, powered him up, and...no boot. In my infinite wisdom I left my laptop here at the shore so, no blogging for Joey for the week.

So let's catch up. The week at home was hot. No not that kind of hot, I mean 90+ degree hot. Very odd for June, but then again the weather this year has been odd. Here at the shore however, it's been gorgeous. The days are in the 80s, but there is a wonderful sea breeze which keeps it feeling much cooler.

This weekend, no BF. I know he wanted to be here. He is as much a shore rat as me, but life prevailed. I share this house with two friends, so I wasn't alone. Next weekend HSNB will be down as well. Millions of fantasies are running through my mind let me tell you!

I'm sure some people would ask why I summer in the "Jersey Hamptons" instead of someplace more befitting my orientation. I've been to Rehobeth, and Fire Island. Lots of hot boys sure, but I would prefer to have my summer without all the pretense. I spend my week listening to people bitch and moan, and I don't want to spend my weekends with all of the drama!

Yes there are plenty of gay people here. I know most of them that are local, and the tourists I can usually pick out very quickly. Most of them seem to have the mindset I do, and most are couples. There are no gay bars or clubs on the island, but I've never run across any problems in the nightlife here.

I've been told I'm an assimilator. I don't agree. I'm just me, living my life the way I want. Amd these days, I'm absolutely loving it.