Monday, December 13, 2004

The Single Gay Man's Guide to Surviving the Holidays - Part Four

Put. The. Cookies. Down!

Yes it's that time of year when everyone and their Mother brings cookies, candies, and every other Atkins-Unfriendly thing to work. They will try to shove them down your throat. They will tease you, and cajole you with talk of pleasures beyond your wildest dream - just like a two dollar ho downtown. And we all know what would come of that!

Just remember, every bite is another two hours at the gym. Did you spend all year denying yourself, and sweating up a storm, just to throw it away for that succulent plate of peanut butter bars and Triple Chunk Chocolate Chip?

Oh sure, you have to taste them because you don't want to hurt their feelings. Put it in your mouth, take a bite, mumble something about a meeting, run to the Men's Room and do your best Mary Kate impression. Spit it out honey! I know you have the natural reflex to swallow, ummm, yeah, anyway, PURGE!!!!