Like A Magnet I Tell Ya

I met him in the oddest of places - at the mailbox. Oh I knew who he was, I am a red-blooded gay man after all. He's the really hot guy who lives in my complex, who I noticed the minute his car first graced our gates. He's the one who last summer sat out on his steps with no shirt on. Oh, I knew what he was doing. He knew I was watching through my binoculars through my window. I just knew it. Why else would he be out there?

Oddly enough, we started accidentally meeting at the mailbox. A lot. As if by stalking magic. Over time, we chit-chatted of course. After almost a year of my drooling talking with him, I finally invited him to dinner.

Every year, I invite people I know to my house for Thanksgiving. I call it the Orphan Meal. The people I invite are people like me whose families are far away, who are single, and who would just be sitting at home eating Chinese Take-Out otherwise. It's always a mixed crowd, and usually quite fun. And last Thanksgiving, I invited him. Without thinking. It was out of my mouth before I could think twice. I had innocently asked what he was doing that day knowing full well he has no family around here. He said yes.

Thus truly began the saga of Hot Straight Neighbor Boy. I don't call him that of course. I call him my boyfriend. Of course not to his face. In case you were wondering, he looks a lot like this guy.

Can I hold your stick?

Random thoughts for a Sunday Morning...

I write a blog post everyday. I do. I just keep trashing most of them because they are always about a subject I really don't want to share. As of today I am changing that thinking. Starting this week, I am posting them all. The Good, the Bad, the Hot Straight Neighbor Boy. Just not today.

I am a horrible procrastinator.

I think that a certain blogger over there on the blogroll is really hot. Sex On A Stick. And funny. Wanna guess which one of you it is?

I think that a certain blogger who used to be on the blogroll is extremely hot. He has chosen not to blog anymore. I really miss the Southern Prince and his photography.

Speaking of princes, HSNB asked me to go to a straight club in the city last night. Tempting, but I really don't like being out in the winter, in the city, in a snow storm. I stayed home and did domestic stuff. You know - clean, do laundry, read blogs, masturbate.

It snowed again last night. Now all of the dirty ugly snow is white again. You can make anything look better with a fresh coat of paint.

I'm not currently involved in any theatre productions. It is winter after all. But people keep asking me to come do shows. I do miss it, but I just need a break from all that right now. It's too time consuming. Unless Mr Sondheim calls. Then I'm available.

I really miss hockey.

The best ones are either married or straight, or both.

I don't know why, but for some reason I seem to be a straight man magnet. Now granted I am spending my time this year trying to fulfill my resolution of being single. Thus proving that they are only interested when you aren't. However, the fates seem to be wise to me. I do seem to be their favorite pastime. Quite a few yucks out of ol' Joey Boy let me tell you!

There is a guy at work who I have known for several years. Wait, let me explain something. I am not out at work. Then again, I am not in either. I don't have a rainbow posted on my head, but if someone actually asks then I give them the truth. The return response has always been - "Oh, cool" - and then the discussion goes back to other things. It's kind of disappointing. I have an entire tirade prepared on how gay is an adjective and just one that describes me, yada, yada, yada.

But I digress. Back to the urinal discussion. So I walk into the bathroom at work, where I always keep things business-like at the urinal, staring at my favorite logo, Sloan Valve Co. At the urinals is my fellow co-worker. He starts talking to me, not uncommon with him, but it's usually idle chatter. This time he is asking me pointed questions about office goings-on, and the discussion is going on longer than normal chit-chat. Out of the corner of my eye I happened to notice that his head was turned toward me when talking to me. I also realized I was almost done with what I was doing, and he was still standing there. I just slightly turned my gaze toward his eyes, which gave me enough peripheral vision to notice that he was standing back far enough from Mr. Sloan Porcelain that if I was looking, I would see "it" quite easily. And I could tell he was taking a prolonged time in "shaking". In fact, the shaking that he was doing in certain circles would be taken for an obvious invitation.

I am sure it was all innocent, as I have known him for several years and would not expect what was actually going on quite graphically in my head. But then, it was just frelling odd. Are straight men curious? Hmmm.

I got 12 inches last night.

And after a lot of blowing, it seemed so much bigger.

Of course I am talking about snow. It's another Valley Forge winter! We ended up getting over 13 and a half inches. Over night the wind kicked in, the house was covered in snow, and all of the shoveling I did last night was wasted.

Even though it was a blizzard outside, I actually had a lot of indoor fun last night with a really handsome neighbor, but that's a subject for another post. ;) Besides, The Game is on after all.

Wanna know why I like football? This is why:

Why I Hate Winter, part 857,634,192:

I hesitated to even tell this story, but after much thought, I figured what the hell.

Let me preface this by saying that winter has once again descended on Valley Forge in a nasty vengeful way. It was a lovely -9 degrees F yesterday, figuring in the wind chill factor (and I do as it determines the number of layers I wear before leaving the confines of my house).

I had decided that even though it was colder than most of my ex-boyfriend's hearts, I had to leave work long enough to pick up lunch. I eat mostly salads for lunch, and I have this thing about my salads being fresh, and different. So I often trot off to a nearby salad place. The ingredients are always fresh, and trust me on this one, always different. You see, the guys that work there don't speak English. I'm not even sure if they can read English. Sometimes ordering can seem like a true test of will, stamina, and sanity. I can order a spinach salad and end up with Caesar. The salad that is, not the guy behind the counter.

What I enjoy even more than salad, is coffee. Yes, I am a coffeeholic, I admit it. I usually have several cups from the time I get to work, until lunchtime. This means that I do not dawdle on the round trip to get my lunch!

Once I got back to our building, it was inevitable that on this very bitterly cold and windy day, I had to park somewhere around New Jersey. I do own a scarf and gloves, several pair in fact, but they don't seem to care for me. They always seem to be hiding and never where I left them last!

Anyway, by the time I got into the building, I was practically a Joeycicle. I got to my office, dropped the salad on the desk, and ran to the restroom. I was about to use the sink to warm up my hands, but Mama Destino always warned me that that was a bad idea- something about causing the skin cells to die, and my skin falling off (and you wonder why I need therapy!). But there was no time to wait for my hands to warm up. I had to go, and I had to go now. So with knees clenched I made it to the urinal, unzipped, and reached in. My boss decided to pick that moment to come in the restroom door. The resultant screams of profanity in a high pitched voice that came out of my throat, and the look of terror on my boss' face is something I won't forget for a long time. At least he's let me alone today!

WOOOHOOO!!!!!!!!!! Steelers are SIXTEEN AND ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a frelling game!!!

ben

Have I mentioned I LOVE FOOTBALL!!! In honor of today's Steelers-Jets matchup, here's a pic of hot Steelers Rookie of the Year QB Ben Roethlisberger! GO STEELERS~~~~

Still working.... Then again, I've been always told I was just a work in progress. It is not finished yet, but much closer.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving!

I received a Christmas gift that I had been dying to use but I just hadn't had the time. Over the weekend I was able to get it out of the package, and after a good thorough washing, I took it to bed with me. I have had two nights of absolute ecstasy ever since.

Yes, I can imagine what you must be thinking, but sorry. Not one of those. My wonderful Mother bought me a beautiful flannel sheet set. After a thorough wash and fluff dry, my bed is now the warmest, most comfortable, and most inviting thing in the world! Finally, for the past two nights I have slept straight through the night, snug and sound, with great dreams! Valley Forge winter, peeshaw! My mom has me covered. Literally!.

Doing some early spring cleaning, both at home, and here on the ol' blog. Please excuse the dust for a bit while I try and come up with a new look. New Year. New Attitude!

Tap. Tap.

*sound of throat clearing*

"Ummm, My name is Joey and I'm a, uh, a closet, ummmm. I mean I'm a, uh, uh....."

"It's okay Joey, you are among friends"

"Thanks." *sound of throat clearing* "I'm a...germophobe"

"Hi, Joey!"

"Thanks, ummm. Well. I've known for a long time that I've had some, uh, issues with germs. Not my germs per se, but, other people's germs.

I really don't know how it started actually, but I just know that I have always been, well, different from all the other boys. I thought atfirst that maybe I was just a product of my environment.I mean, my parents did keep a clean house, but thinkingback they were never that obsessive about it. My uncle was never,well, "that way" either.

I just remember, about the time I was thirteen, and I had to, you know, take gym and shower in public. It was an eye-opening experience. There I was, in the shower, with all of the other boys, and that water and soap sliding all over their bodies. I couldn't help but stare. All of that dirty water and soap from their bodies just mingling with each other. And soon, that white frothy stuff was everywhere in the shower. And I had this strange sensation going on in my body. Just thinking about all of those germs. I thought I was going to throw up.

As time progressed it got to a point where it never seemed to bother me. By high school I loved gym, and that shower. A lot. I couldn't wait to get in there after a hot sweaty practice. But all of this time, I have never, ever, ever once used a public restroom without washing my hands. And I have never. In my life. Had to sit on a public toilet seat. The thought of that just makes me cringe. But today, I just had to, well. You know. Dookie. There was no choice.

So I grabbed my lysol spray, and headed to the restroom.

But I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it.

So I had to go home from work in the middle of the day, and then come back. Meanwhile everyone is looking at me in that way. The knowing glances. The staring eyes. The tsk under their breath. They all just know. I can tell. Theyknow that I am a germaphobe."

Well the New Year is moving along just swimmingly. Everything seems to have gone back to normal. Whatever that is. My only New Year's resolution was to remain single. See this year is going to be all about Karma, and Karmic cleansing. And of course, reverse psychology on the powers of the universe. So I am staying single (wink wink nudge nudge).

For those of you who may stumble in here and read these mutterings, I have a few ways for you to work on your Karma.

1. I have heard from other people that they have received their free iPods. So, if any of you would like to join in on the fun, I still need several referrals before I can receive mine. The link is up there to your left. I paid the 1.99 for the trial at Ancestry.com, and I cancelled several days before the two week trial ended. It's a nice site and all- but way too expensive for looking into my dysfunctional family tree. Thanks!

2. My fellow blogger Hot Toddy has been nominated for an award! He is extremely funny and a wonderful writer. And he's hot. It is his name after all. You can actually vote for him! He's currently a few votes shy so if you could throw him a vote that would be lovely. The link to his site is in my blogroll on the left. The voting link is on his site.

So, please sign up for an iPod, and then go read Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven and vote! Great ways to instill some good Karma!

Wanna guess which option I choose? I'll give you a hint. I am severly dehydrated today.

Yes I did go out, mostly becuase I took a short nap yesterday and dreamed that I was having a party with all of my cats on New Year's Eve. There were hundreds of them, all wearing NYE hats. I don't own cats. I also don't aspire to spending an evening with a house full of them. Ever. So out I went. Fun was had, but nothing out of the ordinary. Just another night, lots of men, none of whom noticed I was in the room. Nor did I care actually.