The Properties of Matter...

See that. Up there. No, right above my head. That little black cloud. Yep. It appeared during work yesterday. I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, when I hit my knee into the corner of my desk. It hurt. My knees are always sore. No, perve, not from that. It just happens. My knees constantly prove that two forms of matter cannot occupy the same space at the same time.

But when I hit my knee, my pen dropped. So I bent over (still seated) to pick it up. My head had obviously been talking with my knee. It decided to test that matter theorem too. With my monitor. Ouch. Two Aleve later, the rest of the workday was uneventful. I left for home in good spirits. I got to the parking lot and just stood there for a minute admiring how shiny and pretty my car looked in the sunlight. It's a guy thing. It transcends orientation. No, really. Anyway, I hopped into my pride and joy, and got on the expressway to once again put my life on the line. Traffic was relatively light. I thought, "Wow. Nice day".

Then the truck appeared. The one who picked up the signal from both my knee and head that it was Matter-Theorem-Test Day. Luckily I saw him in time, and was able to slow down (slam on my brake) so that he could get in my lane. That's when I heard it. Clink.

There. Right in front of my eyes. Right in the front of my "I took 20 minutes to Rain-Ex this windshield on Saturday" eyes. A chunk of my car was no longer attached. The theorem was proven. A stone had flown up from one of the truck's tires and hit my windshield. Now granted, it's a small chunk of windshield - about a half inch in diameter. But it's right in front of my eyes. And it's my CAR!!! My baby has been violated. I feel violated.

Last night was uneventful. When I woke up this morning, I had thought everything would be fine. New day after all, no theorems need to be tested. I got in the car to go to work. But I had to look through the windshield at that chunk (grrrr-violated I tell ya!). Coffee in holder, phone on seat, get sunglasses from the visor. But they weren't there. I always put them there. Odd. So I headed out into the sun glare with a naked face.

Halfway to work, the traffic was heavy. It moderated from 25 to stopped. Then all of a sudden it sped up again, traveling nicely at almost 40. For about 30 seconds. And then brake lights ahead. Phone hits floor. Coffee cup now decides to test the theorem with the windshield and dash. Now there is coffee all over the dash and windshield. I just cleaned the car over the weekend so there is nothing to wipe up the coffee. I reached into my jacket, and found a paper towel. I wiped up the coffee while trying not to get killed. I realized that the reason I had the paper towel was because I was running late and I had just wrapped my vitamins "to-go" on my way out of the house. And now they are wet.

Life can only get better.

But right now, it just doesn’t matter.

I kissed a boy...again

Yup. I did. We did go out again, for a mini-date. We had a lovely dinner in a not-so-great restaurant. The company was good. The ambience was not. But it didn't matter. He did ask me out the next day as well, but I had a committment that I couldn't break. The point is - he asked. I have to tell you though, I'm not sure how I feel about all of this yet...but the vibes are good. We'll see.

I have a staunch rule that I never sleep with anyone with whom I am interested in spending more than an evening. Many years ago I realized that I needed to do more than get physical with someone to feel love. I could never base a relationship on that factor, and wouldn't want one that starts that way. The ones that started that way in the past, were over just as fast as the orgasm.

Don't get me wrong - that part of my life is important. In fact, there was a time when the bedpost notches threatened to cause the bed to collapse. But it all resonated very hollow. Now I need stimulation to more than just that one part of me. And he is stimulating me.

Everytime I have started to write an entry this week, that boy calls. I am not complaining, but it is distracting. So I decided to write at 5:30am. Probably not good unless I talk about coffee.

Speaking of distractions, Final Exam Part 1 was brutal, but I just got the grade and I did okay. I expected it to be much worse, even though I actually had put in a lot of study time. I am now sitting on the edge of an A. Sigh.

I am off to the shower and then to work and then - oh wait - it's Friday. Life is good.

I kissed a boy...

I was standing there talking with friends and catching up. We were involved in a very deep discussion, that much I remember. Out of the corner of my eye I could see someone to my right, but I thought nothing of it at first. Then, I felt something. No, not something physical but, something. And I looked up. And there he was. And he was smiling. At me.

No one would believe that this was happening that night. Once again, I had been at the theatre filling in for someone, doing hospitality. I had finished and headed to the club. And now he was there. Not Matt. But he had that look. That same look as Matt. That happy look, seemingly happy because he was looking at me.

But of course I knew he was going to be there. Even you knew he was going to be there because I had told you last post. Well Mr. Independent decided he was going to handle this one differently remember? Well I did. I treated him as if he was just one more of my friends there that evening. The more we talked, the more I liked his sense of humor, his laugh, his smile, his attentiveness, his sparkling eyes.

But he had to leave. So I walked him out. But he kept walking. All the way to his car. And he said we should go out again. And he kissed me. A lot. And as I walked away, I sauntered non-chalantly up the street, trying not to look at all affected. Of course, just as I finally allowed the beaming smile to cross my face, he passed me in the car and waved.

As I was typing that last sentence he called and left a message. He asked me out. And I'm smiling. Life is good.

This is a scattered day - in a scattered week - thus a scattered post. Streams of consciousness. Try to keep up.

Men. I'm starting to think I really do understand women more. No, wait - let's get this qualified. Gay Men. That's better. Straight Men I understand. Alpha Male. Penis. Must procreate. Got that. But Gay Men. Why is that not as easy?

Taxes. Grrrrrrrrrr. Which brings us to marriage. Which brings us to my date this weekend. Well not really a date, but I am meeting someone new. This time I decided to stop being my charming self and be extremely self-deprecating. The result, I am sure, will still be a shock -but maybe in a good way. Yeah right.

School. Yeah guess I haven't mentioned that. I am a college student in addition to being a full time employee. Final Exam Part 1 next week. Why the hell am I going out with someone this weekend instead of studying? I am still truly 19 in some ways.

Beauty. Those of you on the East Coast (MidAtlantic at least) can appreciate talk of the spring Monsoon season. I had truly thought that if it rained one more day I would scream. But I just happened to be driving somewhere last evening and noticed the rush of an extremely swollen stream as I was going over a bridge. The rushing water was amazing. The energy was just incredible. Then today - at last - sunshine. Spring. Dandelions. Life is good.

So what did I do last night? I think this picture pretty much explains it. That's me on the right:




A rare night out with the boys where a good time was had by all. We drank. We laughed. We drank. A lesbian flashed me. We drank. That boy with the rockin' ass was playing pool. Did I mention we drank? We ate chocolates. Reminder to self - when someone says "Let's do shots", run. But it was all good. And the most amazing thing of all was waking up today and feeling perfectly fine - and laughing about the night. Life is good.

"witches can be right, giants can be good..."

So what has happened since the day I grounded out, and the night that life threw that curve ball? Actually, and quite honestly, not much. I've been very busy in the day to day stuff. S'been good. S'been bad.

As far as Matt, well, the past must stay past. But did you ever notice that just when something happens to make you lose that faith in that whole fairy tale concept, something else renews it. Seeing Matt that night reminded me of several things:

1. I can be loved and I can love so well in return.
2. I am a much stronger person than I allow myself to believe.
3. Princes do not always grow into Noble Kings.