Wednesday, October 13, 2004

I hate giving out advice. I always wonder why people ask me, of all people. I mean, how stable is my life? Have I ever made the right decisions? Oh yeah. The night I skipped a family function because Mike, who I had lusted after for almost 2 years, when I asked the simple question - "What are you doing tonight?" - replied "Wanna get naked tonight?". I paid for that with my Mom for years but oh my it was so worth it. Mmmmmmmmm...

Oh wait, where was I? The reason I mentioned that I hate to give advice, is because I am going to give some out freely. The person who I am giving it to, will understand. The rest of you I am sure will not mind.

Loving someone else is such an awesome and rare gift and blessing. I have loved often in my life. Sometimes briefly. Sometimes too long. Sometimes too wrong. Sometimes so hard that it seems that if I died, my life would be completed by just that simple fact. I've loved unrequitedly as well. That to me is the most confusing of all, the feeling that if they would just take time to think it through they would realize that this is the love for them. A love to complete us both. I must admit, this has happened twice in my life. And one of the two of them I still think about every single day although he is no longer in my life.

My advice is just this. Be proud and grateful for the opportunity to feel. Yes it hurts and I so truly understand sweet boy. But if he does not see what an awesome chance he is missing, then there is nothing on earth that you can do to change that. Love him for who he is and allow yourself to grieve briefly for that which will not be. But most of all, realize that you can love, and will love, and continue to be an awesome human being. And some boy is going to see that shining light and want nothing more than to live within it's glow.