Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Out of the closet

Okay. I'll admit it. I watch American Idol.

Since you now know my secret, I decided I'm going to share with you my thoughts of the show. Being a musically trained actor, I am going to be very egotistical and say I know what I am talking about when it comes to other singers. Then again, most people on AI really aren't singers. They are wanna pop stars. And this week they decide to tackle MY medium. Broadway. Oh the humanity!

So with that being said, here's my thoughts of the show, as it happens:

Scott Savol - not a bad rendition of Impossible Dream, as Simon would say, for karoake. He had never heard the song before. Man I feel old. I wanted to like this boy at the start of the season, but he's not going to last. Especially since we found out about the assault charge. Just go home boy.

Constantine - OH. MY. GOD. My Funny Valentine. Stud you need to come sing that song to me!!!! And wear that velvet blazer. And nothing else. I damn near poked a hole in my pants! And please, during the interview section , could someone please move that damn banner so I can see his crotch!

Carrie Underwood - Hello Young Lovers. Good Lord she sucked. And the judges of course loved her. As usual. Saint Mary Martin is spinning in her grave. She's a country singer, and on the wrong show! Ryan Sucksdick asked her when she had heard that song for the first time. She said, and I quote, LAST THURSDAY!!! Are she and Scott living under rocks? Sweet Nellie Forbush save me from this group!

Oh yea. Fantasia will be on next week. There's a reason to find something else to do that night!

Vonzell - People from Funny Girl. She was very proud to let us know that she knew that it was a Barbara song. And it was a movie too! Thanks for doing your homework! It wasn't bad. Oh no she di'nt! Paula said Barbra can't hit an EFlat. Oh please woman. Take another frelling drink and shutup. Oh and Vonzell, toile is out honey.

Anthony Federov - Climb Every Mountain. Oh he looks hot. And he's from Philly. He has gorgeous eyes. This boy is a pop star. Absolutely. Wonderful. Bet the judges trash him as usual. This show is so skewed. Randy - didn't like it. Paula did. Simon of course called it hideous. Why do they even bother with the judges? They picked who they wanted to promote at the beginning of the season, and that's how they tailor their comments. Why do I watch this?

Nikko. One Hand One Heart. At least he knew the show! Based on his totally off-key version, if he was playing Tony, Maria would shoot him. Twice. At least. Bet the judges love him. Randy - loved him. Paula - thinks he is the next American Idol. Well at least Simon noticed it was off-key. I give up.

Anwar - If Ever I Would Leave You. Well finally he sings a song that matches his talent. But I have to say, I am not a big fan of warbling around notes. He was very good - despite that faux pas - very good.

Bo - Corner of the Sky. He never heard of the song before. I really like him. But he is SO out of his element. He is mangling the lyrics. Some really bad notes. Let's just say, he will never do Broadway. Randy and Paula thought he was awesome. Sheesh. I'd do him though. Just sayin'.

Nadia - As Long As He Needs Me. Oh my. She looks amazing. That's what I would look like in drag. If I was dark-skinned. And weighed less. And had those cheekbones. The song's pretty good but her phrasing is dreadful. I'd love to hear her do jazz.

So there you have it. Who do I think will go home? Scott. Not very good - and bad press. Who should go home? Nikko Smith. Why do I watch this? I have no clue.