Friday, April 29, 2005

I'm a what?

My friend Jen really dislikes it when I or someone else call her my fag hag. I never really give it much thought, as it's a term that's been used for a very long time. Last night during a belabored discussion between the two of us stemming from an incident earlier in the week involving HSNB, I started to wonder whether or not it really is a valid term anymore. Basically a fag hag is a straight woman, close to a gay man, who likes to hang out with a bunch of gay men.

First of all, I hate the word fag used in reference to me or anyone else who was born gay. Growing up, anyone calling me a fag usually was shown that I had a great left hook, for a fag or otherwise.

The other word in that label is hag. Visually Jen is not a hag. She is quite attractive. So's the man she chose to marry - but I try to block him out of my mind. He's just not- well, let's say pretty- on the inside.

So in this age of enlightenment (pertaining only to those not within the Religious Reich), is there a better term?

Jen called me HSNB's fag hag the other day. That's what started this whole diatribe between us. Now HSNB is not a fag (oh dear goddess were it so!). And I am not, nor will I ever be, a hag. But HSNB and I do spend a lot of time together. He is one of my closest friends. When we go out together to those homosexually-challenged places I do sometimes feel like the token gay man. So what is the term for a gay man, who is close to a straight man, who hangs out with a bunch of straight men?

Sigh. Somedays being an adult is hard.