What a year!

In the tradition of, well everybody else, let's recap.

I learned how to buy underwear for myself that doesn't say FTL on them.

I learned early in the year that dating and men suck. And not always in the good way.

I learned the joys and pains (mostly pains) of manscaping.

I learned that men who want to control your lives are asshats. Oh and I learned the word asshat and I can use it in a sentence!

I learned that the boy that I have had a crush on for over two years, had a crush on me too.

I learned that one can have the most awesome summer of their lives, when spent with those that you love.

I learned that I am capable of loving again after tragedy, and that my mouth can actually speak the words I love you.

And what else?

I learned that a gay man can be best friends with a straight man.

I learned I was nominated for a blog award in the Popular category. I still haven't figured that one out. (link to vote posted in a post below)

I can actually go to the gym and not leave feeling like I have been beaten with a stick. Ok make that many sticks.

I can play football. Although not well. And not by choice.

I can finally tear down the wall that kept me from asking the boyfriend to live with me.

And.

I actually had the cohones to ask him to marry me.

And.

He said yes.

Totally baring it all

As he pulled on the gold ribbon, I held my breath. I had no idea what reaction I was going to get, and in those few seconds I was sure that I was a complete ass. My entire future, my entire life, rested on the next minute of time.

The ribbon fell to the floor. He turned the package over, and began picking at the tape. I wanted to scream. But I couldn't inhale, without exhaling. He gingerly undid one side of the package. I was turning blue. How long can one exist without oxygen anyway?

He had already opened the envelope with the shore house lease. That was met with a huge positive response. I was 1 for 1 at that point. But, now. He turned the package around and began picking at the other side of the tape. I wanted to kill him. Okay not really, but I was this close to grabbing the package out of his hands and either ripping it open myself, or just refusing to give it to him. How could I have done this to myself? And why can't he just rip it open like a normal person?

Finally he had the paper off, and I think I exhaled. I couldn't tell. I was too light-headed at that moment to really comprehend. He opened the box, peeled back the tissue paper, and removed the small black velvet box.

And that's when I knew I had made a huge mistake. A huge fuckup of momentous proportions. He looked at the box, but not at me. And he said, "Oh". It wasn't a "Oh wow look at this" oh. It sounded like a "What in God's Name have you done" oh.

And opened the lid.

Then came a second "Oh". Okay that one had a bit more of a hopeful surprised tone to it. Maybe this was okay.

"It's a key," he said quietly.

"Yes," I replied. The key was sitting on the slot where a ring would normally be.

"But I thought it was... oh,"

Ever wish a huge hole would open in the earth and swallow you up? Yep, that's the prayer that was screaming through my brain.

He was quiet for a moment, and then he said, "Is this a key to the shore house, or your house?"

"Oh," I said (all the while thinking that I was truly an idiot). "That's a key to this house. I thought it was time you had one of your own. Especially if you will agree to move in with me. It works better that way."

"I love it. But, are you sure?" he asked.

"Absolutely. Very sure." I replied.

Then a tear slid down his face. Dear goddess I wish I could read him better! "Are you happy, or upset babe?"

He hugged me, kissed me, exclaiming how happy he was. Over and Over. Wow. All that over a key. Who knew?

The next morning, we got up and opened the rest of our gifts to each other. He was like a little kid with each one. And so was I. Paper flew everywhere. Once the last gift from under the tree was opened, I figured I would take the chance and let him open his last gift which I had hidden in the tree. It was a little bear holding a heart, which he loved. I said, "Turn it over."

On the bottom was a note that said, "Look under the key."

He looked at me with a confused expression on his face, grabbed the box with the key, pulled the key out, but he didn't see anything. Then suddenly he got it. He pulled up on the base that was holding the key.

His face lit up like I have never seen before. And I said the words I never thought would ever come out of my mouth.

"Will you marry me?"

I'm off

The BF and I are off to visit my family for a few days.

Christmas Eve was, well, special. But a boy needs to tell his mother some news in person first. I'll tell you all about it when we get back.

I was told I should be campaigning for the Best Gay Blog thing. Not really my style. But if you want to vote here's the link: Best Gay Blogs

Hope your holidays are fun! I'll be back in a few days...

The Future

"Are you asleep?" he said, nuzzling my neck.

"Not as long as you keep doing that," I replied.

"Is there anything you wanted for Christmas that I don't know about?" he whispered in my ear.

"I don't remember ever mentioning anything that I wanted, but I know you will surprise me. You always do."

"I just want to make sure you get all you ever wanted. I want you to have the best Christmas ever," he said, running his hand over my chest.

"Honey, I already have all I ever wanted. I have you." I whispered back.

"Good," he said, "because that's what I got you."

I have a feeling this Christmas is going to be quite a surprise. I really have no idea what he will come up with. And that's what I love most about him.

For him, there will be a Christmas evening in front of the fire, just the two of us. I am giving him two gifts tomorrow night. One, a lease for the shore house for next summer with just our names on it. The other, well, I don't want to say here just in case he has found out about this site. But I can tell you it is going to change both of our lives significantly. And it is extremely romantic.

Traditions

I read something yesterday that reminded me of a story that has been passed down for generations in my family. A story of how one of the family traditions had gotten its start. I would love to share it with you all, in the spirit of the holiday season:


One Christmas season, a long long time ago, the North Pole was a rush of activity getting ready for the big night. And as fate would have it, there were problems everywhere and Santa was really feeling the pressure. Many of his veteran toymakers were sick with a nasty flu, and the remaining healthy elves were in danger of not having the toys finished on time.

He decided to take a break in the barn to calm his nerves, which visiting his reindeer always seemed to do. But when he got to the barn, he found out that most of them also had the flu, and may not be able to make the trip.

Loading the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground scattering toys everywhere. By this point Santa's frustration level was so high, he decided a drink was in order, so he went into the house for some Irish Coffee. He grabbed the coffeepot and headed for the liquor cabinet, which he found locked. He yelled for Mrs. Claus, who when she arrived reminded him that she always kept the cabinet locked around the holidays so Santa wouldn't drink and drive. On her way out the door, she told Santa that her mother and father were coming to spend the holidays with them.

This stressed Santa even more. In his frustration, he dropped the coffeepot by accident and it shattered all over the floor. When he went to get the broom he found that the mice had used the straw to build their nests. Just as he slammed the closet door shut, the doorbell rang. Fuming by this point, he opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa! Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. I picked out the loveliest tree I could find, just for you! Where would you like me to stick it?

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Run Down

The holidays are definitely taking their toll. I eliminated most of my shopping by ordering online, and saved even more time by having family gifts shipped directly there. Once I get there for the holidays everything can be wrapped, instead of doing it here and then transporting them in my car.

But I have been swamped with concerts, and light displays, and evenings with friends. I am tired. I am run down.

Which reminds me, I forgot to write about my HSNB experience last week.

So there I am, all nestled snug in my bed, with visions of - well I guess you can figure that out - dancing in my head, when the phone rings. Okay my phone never rings that late at night. Ever. The BF knows better than to call, and besides he would have used my cell. And I knew where he was. He was already home in bed. Nuff said.

Panic sets in because the first thing I think is that something has happened to someone in my family. I answer the phone trepidatiously, fearing the worst. Of course you already know who it was. He says that he thinks he may have hit someone and they are lying in the road. And he asks what he should do.

Why me?

Being the good friend that I am, of course I jump out of bed and start getting dressed. Right after I tell him to stay put. And call 911. Luckily this happened not too far from where we live, on one of the back roads in Valley Forge.

As I am pulling up, all I see is headlights pointed at me. I pull over, grab my flashlight, and get out. I can see him standing next to the car, and I can see there is definitely someone down the road further, lying in the middle of the road. He is in a panic, and just keeps repeating," shit, shit, shit Joey" over and over again. I ask if he called 911, which he replies that he had. I am doing my best to calm him down, but I really feel the need to walk down and see what has actually happened. I look at my watch (I really watch too many police dramas), and it's just past midnight. I'm amazed there hasn't been any cars by. It's a back road, but usually well-traveled.

I start toward the figure in the road, the flashlight not doing all that much to show me anything until I get closer. But when I did, I could see that there was lots of blood, and whoever it was, was still alive, and thrashing around. If you live anywhere near this area of the country, you have probably already figured it out. It was a deer. And I really really wished at that moment that it would have already been dead.

I will spare you most of what happened next, but when the State Troopers showed up (40 minutes later), they had to shoot it. HSNB's car was in bad shape, but driveable, but unfortunately, he was not in very good shape at all. I got him home, to my place, and put him to bed. I finally got to sleep, on my couch, around 3.

This boy is wearing me out.

They nominated me where?!?

I was just sitting there thinking...
"Hmmm, should I blog about my getting a call from HSNB in the middle of the night, and my rushing out the door into the cold night to give him what he needed"

or

"Should I blog about how silly all those blog awards are? How I have never been one of the popular kids anyway, and that I don't write for awards. I do it for artistic expression."

And then I received an email telling me I have been nominated for a "Best Gay Blogs" award in the Popular category.

Homo say what?

How the hell did that happen?

I am flattered. Extremely.

And as they say in the business, it's just an honor to be nominated.

So go check out the list if you want, and if you want to throw me a bone (pun always intended), then, thank you very much. Best Gay Blogs

Now about that late night phone call... Maybe tomorrow.

Help

Well I have been doing my share of Christmas shopping for mia famiglia and so on. I try to pride myself on finding just the absolute perfect gift for everyone. So they have something to return and get those great after-Christmas bargains!

And I have gotten a few things for the BF. Some things I know he is just going to love. And some I will when he wears them. ;)

But I need everyone's help. I need to pin down one special thing. One thing that will just blow him away. I want it to be the most romantic thing possible, that will just scream out my love for him (as if he didn't already know).

So - I need some ideas. What is the most romantic thing you have ever given, or received?

Shopping Ideas

First off let me answer a few questions. Yes, he is that dumb. Yes, he does need all the help he can get. And yes, I will be wearing a lovely black cashmere blazer on New Year's Eve, providing he doesn't stain it at his Christmas Party.

Now on to other pleasing things. I would like to recommend a couple of things for those of you who are still undecided on what to buy for your favorite single straight boy who needs all the help he can get, and for your favorite gay boy or girl who just need a laugh. Let me preface this by saying, I receive no compensation from products I may recommend on my blog. And if I am ever that fortunate I will mention it.

Both of my recommendations are books from two really good authors, and both are available online at your favorite bookseller.

The first is "A New Ladies Man" by Colin Mortensen. Some of you may remember Colin from "The Real World, Hawaii". Colin had sent me a copy of his book to read, and I have to tell you, it is a must for straight single guys! His advice is quite straightforward (sorry). He has a great sense of humor and this book is quite a fun read. In fact, it has good advice for just about anyone and I really enjoyed it myself. If you know any straight single men who really need help with dating and their relationships with women, this book would be perfect. And for the rest of us, there is a lot of great common sense information. And it's damn funny too!

The second is a book for your favorite gay boy or girl. Or yourself. This book was recommended to me a while back, and I had bought it, but only recently got a chance to read it. "How I Paid for College : A Novel of Sex, Theft, Friendship & Musical Theater" by Marc Acito. I have to say I don't ever remember sitting on the, ummm, on the.... well you know where..., and laughing my, uh..., well just laughing hysterically.

I think this is a must read for any gay man or woman. It's funny, it's clever, and I think it could well be fact, not fiction. There are many moments when I thought I was reading about myself and my experiences.

And after all that humor, here is a final recommendation. I was sent this link the other day, and while I really don't know what a Carls Jr is, this commercial had me in stitches. Milk Shake

Shopping with a Str8 Boy

Experience is a wonderful teacher. And if you are a logical, rational individual, you would think that I would learn from past experiences.

You would be wrong.

Last evening I agreed to go Christmas shopping with HSNB. I guess at some point last week in the throes of Thanksgiving revelry I had offered to help the poor boy out with the task. Of course who do the straight people turn to when it comes to matters like these but their friendly neighborhood gay person. We have that extra gene that they lack. You know, the shopping gene. The one that's linked to that other gene. The innate sense of fashion gene. Which is similarly linked to the "We can't understand why straight men can't buy gifts for their wives/mothers/girlfriends, so of course we help them" gene.

I should have seen the signs right up front. The premise was that we were there to purchase a gift for HSNB's mother. Why it didn't click when he steered me directly into the men's section, I don't know. After about five minutes of watching him look at the clothing with a pained expression on his face, I finally asked him why we were looking in the Men's Clothing section for a Mom gift. "Oh," he says, "I need something to wear for the company Christmas party too." Lawd, have mercy on me.

"Well, is it formal or casual?" I asked.

"Well, I uh, well, I’m not sure," he replies.

"Did you go to it last year," I ask.

"Yeah."

"Well how was everyone dressed," I didn't even dare ask what he wore!

"The guys had, I guess, like suits." he says. Great command of description this boy.

"Okay, then." And I start pulling things from the racks. I have to admit my hands are magnetically drawn to cashmere. Hmm, I wonder if there is a cashmere gene. So I send him to the fitting room with an armful while I browse the racks. After quite some time has passed and he hasn't reappeared, I decide I should find out what is going on. I go over to the fitting room, knock, and gently ask how he is doing. He doesn't answer. I ask again. Again no answer.

Okay, at this point, what would you have done, being the logical rational individual that you are? You would walk away right?

You would be wrong. The door wasn't locked so I opened it. There he is, sitting on the floor in just his boxers and socks. The most heart-wrenching look on his face like a lost little boy who has just fallen off of his bike. You could see the moisture welling up in his eyes. In that moment, I knew that if he was gay, I would have asked him to marry me.

"What's wrong," I asked.

"I was putting on a shirt, and...," he says softly, "I got a pin stuck in my shoulder."

And all I can think, all that is going through my mind is, what the hell did I do when I was younger that makes me get into these situations.