I'm a what?

My friend Jen really dislikes it when I or someone else call her my fag hag. I never really give it much thought, as it's a term that's been used for a very long time. Last night during a belabored discussion between the two of us stemming from an incident earlier in the week involving HSNB, I started to wonder whether or not it really is a valid term anymore. Basically a fag hag is a straight woman, close to a gay man, who likes to hang out with a bunch of gay men.

First of all, I hate the word fag used in reference to me or anyone else who was born gay. Growing up, anyone calling me a fag usually was shown that I had a great left hook, for a fag or otherwise.

The other word in that label is hag. Visually Jen is not a hag. She is quite attractive. So's the man she chose to marry - but I try to block him out of my mind. He's just not- well, let's say pretty- on the inside.

So in this age of enlightenment (pertaining only to those not within the Religious Reich), is there a better term?

Jen called me HSNB's fag hag the other day. That's what started this whole diatribe between us. Now HSNB is not a fag (oh dear goddess were it so!). And I am not, nor will I ever be, a hag. But HSNB and I do spend a lot of time together. He is one of my closest friends. When we go out together to those homosexually-challenged places I do sometimes feel like the token gay man. So what is the term for a gay man, who is close to a straight man, who hangs out with a bunch of straight men?

Sigh. Somedays being an adult is hard.

I thought you said landscaping

There are many, many interesting and important things going on in the world right now. You would think I would have an opinion on most anything that I could share with you here. And I do.

But not today.

So. We are in bed the other night, and TCB (hereafter known as BF) says something incredible and life-changing to me. The conversation went something like this:

BF: So have you ever thought about chopping down the forest?
jd: Is this an Arbor Day question? (see I can make a post timely and relevant)
BF: Nooooo.
jd: Then what are you talking about?
BF: Have you ever trimmed the bush?
jd: No. The guys do that.
BF: Umm. What guys?
jd: The ones that come to cut the grass.
BF: Oy. That's not what I meant. Are you just playing naive?
jd: Playing? Nope. My middle name is naive.
BF: Okay fine. Have you ever manscaped?

Oh. My. God. I'm just getting over being underwear-challenged and now it seems I am personal-grooming challenged as well.

BF: Are you listening to me?
jd: I'm uh. I mean. Well yeah, I've sort of trimmed. Kinda.
BF: You would look so much better if you did.

Okay, now what do I do - end the relationship because I am insulted or...
So I opt for "or":

jd: So you are saying I look bad? Mama Destino would be SO proud.
BF: No, not at all. It's like your other hair. A fresh cut always makes you look and feel better.
I grant absolution. Dragged himself out of that one!

jd: Ohhhkay.
BF: I could do it for you. I could even shave it if you want.

Okay. My reaction to that was totally unexpected. Little Joey immediately leaptto attention. I whisper in reply:

jd: Ummmm. (pause). Okay.

The next hour or so was amazing. I had never ever let someone "trim the bush". You can not imagine the feeling when someone has a razor in one hand, your testicles in another, and a determined look on their face. At this point I did draw the line. I allowed a trimming. But no razor, oh no.

And you know what? He looked so happy afterwards. My heart truly melted. Again.

Now if I can just get him to mow the lawn....

I got it bad...and good

Spring Fever. Sigh.

I can't stand being indoors anymore. The weather has been tremendous. We went from 20s and 30s and snow to 70s and 80s in just a couple of days. And for the most part, for the past two weeks, it has stayed that way.

Let's just recap Joey's life the past two weeks. It's April. I've been to the shore already. I have the beginnings of a tan. My mind can't concentrate on work or writing. I have a boyfriend. Wait that's not right. I have a... Ok, what is the word for someone who you want to spend all of your time with, who you sleep with most nights, who all of your friends already call your husband, who you are in luh...

Oh.

Well yeah I guess that would qualify it alright. But it's spring. And I just don't know if I am ready to be an "us" when I desperately need to be a "me".

It was only a matter of time.

"I'm just not getting it"

"You will. Just concentrate. You seem distracted."

He was so right. Why wouldn't I be? The course I was in at the time was tough. I've never really excelled at math and as much as I dreaded the thought, I had to take this course. My advisor had told me that there was plenty of support, and a T.A. who was available outside of class.

Well after only a few sessions, I definitely needed the help. So early Saturday morning I dragged myself to campus to the lab. As soon as I opened the door I was distracted. Sweet-Mario-Lopez-on-a-stick. The T.A. was gorgeous. The extremely confident individual that I am, I just wanted to back out of the room and go home. How the hell could I concentrate with him in the room?

I had figured he'd be another condescending jock, not really helpful at all. By the end of the session I got it. The math concepts that is. But I spent a lot of time sneaking glances at his... ummmm..., crotchal area. And damn he smelled good. Every time he leaned in to me my heart raced.

I went back Saturday after Saturday. Was it to see him? Duh. He was really good. At teaching that is. By the end of the semester I was good too. At math. I aced the final and ended up with a B+ overall. I decided as a thank you I would ask him out for a drink. He agreed. We got to know each other much better that night.

And now, two years later.... well you all know him as TCB.

My prince came

Just a few random thoughts today.

The Royal Wedding. Other than the hats that looked like Road Kill climbed on their heads, it was pretty much a non-event. I mean, who cares? No one wants to hear about that man and the horse he married. What we really want to know is, who is doing the princes? I know I for one would! DO them that is. At least William.

Yes, to all of you who emailed me, I do now officially have a boyfriend. I guess it's official because someone mentioned the other night - "Your boyfriend is so cute!" - and I didn't correct them.

I guess you're wondering which one of the boys it is. Well it isn't Prince William. But yes it's one of "the three". I wonder if any of you can figure it out. Go ahead - take a guess.

Gettin Some

Rays that is. It was a fun-filled marvelous weekend! The summer boy is BACK!!!

The boyfriend and I (yes you read that correctly) went to the shore and had a marvelous time. It feels so good to have the sun on my body again. The winter blues are officially gone.

But more about that later. I just wanted to mention someone else's blog. If you do not read chadfox, you should. Not only is he hella sexy, but he is a marvelous writer, the kind I want to grow up to be. SO go read his blog. I'll be here when you get back.

Out of the closet

Okay. I'll admit it. I watch American Idol.

Since you now know my secret, I decided I'm going to share with you my thoughts of the show. Being a musically trained actor, I am going to be very egotistical and say I know what I am talking about when it comes to other singers. Then again, most people on AI really aren't singers. They are wanna pop stars. And this week they decide to tackle MY medium. Broadway. Oh the humanity!

So with that being said, here's my thoughts of the show, as it happens:

Scott Savol - not a bad rendition of Impossible Dream, as Simon would say, for karoake. He had never heard the song before. Man I feel old. I wanted to like this boy at the start of the season, but he's not going to last. Especially since we found out about the assault charge. Just go home boy.

Constantine - OH. MY. GOD. My Funny Valentine. Stud you need to come sing that song to me!!!! And wear that velvet blazer. And nothing else. I damn near poked a hole in my pants! And please, during the interview section , could someone please move that damn banner so I can see his crotch!

Carrie Underwood - Hello Young Lovers. Good Lord she sucked. And the judges of course loved her. As usual. Saint Mary Martin is spinning in her grave. She's a country singer, and on the wrong show! Ryan Sucksdick asked her when she had heard that song for the first time. She said, and I quote, LAST THURSDAY!!! Are she and Scott living under rocks? Sweet Nellie Forbush save me from this group!

Oh yea. Fantasia will be on next week. There's a reason to find something else to do that night!

Vonzell - People from Funny Girl. She was very proud to let us know that she knew that it was a Barbara song. And it was a movie too! Thanks for doing your homework! It wasn't bad. Oh no she di'nt! Paula said Barbra can't hit an EFlat. Oh please woman. Take another frelling drink and shutup. Oh and Vonzell, toile is out honey.

Anthony Federov - Climb Every Mountain. Oh he looks hot. And he's from Philly. He has gorgeous eyes. This boy is a pop star. Absolutely. Wonderful. Bet the judges trash him as usual. This show is so skewed. Randy - didn't like it. Paula did. Simon of course called it hideous. Why do they even bother with the judges? They picked who they wanted to promote at the beginning of the season, and that's how they tailor their comments. Why do I watch this?

Nikko. One Hand One Heart. At least he knew the show! Based on his totally off-key version, if he was playing Tony, Maria would shoot him. Twice. At least. Bet the judges love him. Randy - loved him. Paula - thinks he is the next American Idol. Well at least Simon noticed it was off-key. I give up.

Anwar - If Ever I Would Leave You. Well finally he sings a song that matches his talent. But I have to say, I am not a big fan of warbling around notes. He was very good - despite that faux pas - very good.

Bo - Corner of the Sky. He never heard of the song before. I really like him. But he is SO out of his element. He is mangling the lyrics. Some really bad notes. Let's just say, he will never do Broadway. Randy and Paula thought he was awesome. Sheesh. I'd do him though. Just sayin'.

Nadia - As Long As He Needs Me. Oh my. She looks amazing. That's what I would look like in drag. If I was dark-skinned. And weighed less. And had those cheekbones. The song's pretty good but her phrasing is dreadful. I'd love to hear her do jazz.

So there you have it. Who do I think will go home? Scott. Not very good - and bad press. Who should go home? Nikko Smith. Why do I watch this? I have no clue.

I give up

I've tried to post numerous times since Friday, but Blogger has been nothing but constant and consistant problems.

I have to make some decisions. Do I really want to continue the blog? Do I want to continue in this format?

I have a feeling that if I am continue, in whatever format, then I need to run my own server. It's hard to complain about Blogger when I am not really paying them anything.

I don't know. I guess it's like everything else in my life. I can't make a decision.

Kirk hated this about me. It was his biggest pet peeve.

I find myself missing him even more the past week. I think it may be because I've fallen in love. Or is it just like?

I can't decide.