I get the tingly sensation of a cool breeze

Well I did it again. You know who (I said I would stop talking about him but I can't tell this without it) stopped me as I was about to get into the shower.

He had that look in his eye, and I wasn't sure what he was up to. Ah, something behind his back. The Trimmer! Oh great, another session of lawn care 101. So here's the deal. I can't stand taking the time to do regular shaving let alone trying to knock down a whole forest, so if he wants to do it for me, let him.

I warned him to keep it clinical and professional because I was already running late for work thanks to the morning wakeup he gave me. Let me just say, that if it's a day that ends in Y, he's more than ready. Me, after about 4 times I gotta have a break...for at least a day.

I told him I did have some problems with the aftermath of the trimming, with some itchiness. Before you think what you are thinking, it's not shaving, just trimming. But I still get itch from - oh never mind, you get the idea. So he mentions to me that if I use some conditioner "down there" it will help ease that situation. Now that made total sense to me.

So after the logging crew has completed leveling the forest, I jump in the shower. I wash up, and wash my hair, then I grab the conditioner and spread it generously over the nether regions. Ten seconds later it hit me. The expensive conditioner that my stylist conned me into buying has both peppermint and tea tree oil as ingredients.

Twenty seconds later I was screaming.

He is never touching me again. Okay, he can touch me, but not with anything that cuts.

So what's your deal? (The party.)

HSNB had asked me to come over for the evening. He had said he was inviting some of his friends over for an impromptu get-together. I have met many of his friends in the past when we've gone out together. Usually though, it's been in a very loud club and conversation as a group was at a minimum. I had no idea whether they knew if I was gay or not. And I had never really thought to ask HSNB.

Once they had all shown up, I did actually know most of them and by name (Phone numbers - can't remember, but names I'm good at). It was quite a mixed group. Good conversation, good wine, good beer, good grief I'm starting to have a great time and I was getting a buzz.

One of the crowd was a gorgeous gorgeous hunk of beef, a little loud, a little overbearing, and a little - how should we say - full of himself, monopolizing conversations. I hadn't really talked to him, but then again most people didn't talk to him. They couldn't. He never gave them the chance.

I was talking to a rather attractive (Ok I just realized all of his friends are attractive) blond of the hetero female species. We were talking Oscars of all things. I felt a hand on my shoulder spin me around. It was that guy. HSNB was with him, and he introduced him.

"Joey, this is one of your fellow paesans, Anthony."

Oh dear goddess, he's a GUIDO! I should have known.

He shook my hand (practically wrenching it from the socket), and gave me a "Yo, wazzup". Oh great, a Guido who thinks he's all street.

I sort of answer him, kind of flustered by his overbearing presence. That's when he looked at me and said, "So, what's your deal?".

I swear in the 3 seconds it took me to respond, Rome could have been built. I felt a sudden panic. I swore I was drenched in sweat with cold air blasting at me. My brain didn't seem like it would engage. Was he going to out me? Was this big old Guido going to beat me to a pulp just for existing? Quick, some response, just squeak something out.

"What do you mean, Anthony?"

Oh fantastic. Now that was a response that would get me out of any situation. I had a chance to steer this away from any dangerous waters but my brain goes all W on me.

"How do you know HSNB?"

Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh. The waters were calm after all. I am truly an idiot.

Afterwards, when I asked HSNB if any of his friends knew I was gay, he laughed it off and said the coolest thing.

"Why would I tell anyone that. That's your business. Besides, no one would care. Except maybe Trisha (the blonde), and of course Anthony. They were both hot after your ass. I actually invited Anthony thinking you two might hit it off."

Hi. Have you met me? My name is Joey NAIVE-AS-HELL Destino.

I loves me some Yankees!

How cool is it when your boyfriend forwards you a picture like this one!

Of course, he knows a have a soft spot for the Yankees. And a hard place in my pants heart for Derek Jeter in particular.

May i just say that if I was Gary Sheffield, I would try and kiss him just the same way! And my hand would be exactly there!

Ah, the Boys of Summer. And Young Love. Makes me all misty. All over.

So what's your deal?

I was sitting on HSNB's patio, talking with some of his friends, most of whom I had met before. This one guy who I had not met suddenly turns to me, the only gay man (as far as we know) at the gathering, looks me straight in the eye and says, "So what's your deal?". I was taken back a few years, when I had heard that before...

It was summer. I was struggling to make ends meet as a young college grad in the big city. My day job didn't cover all of the bills, and I had taken a job in a club as a waiter. I soon learned that quick service, a smile, and allowing myself to be groped meant big tips! Oh sure, I am shy and demure, but I am also actor you know.

I was doing so well, that I was asked to fill in as a bartender during the week. Tuesday nights were notoriously slow, so I was able to get to know the regulars' personal lives. The chatty ones anyway. There was one guy in particular that never really said much, at least not to me. He stared a lot, but then again they all did. Bartender is high on the food chain in gay nightlife. I had a quick reputation as being "unattainable" because I didn't just follow home any guy who asked.

But this guy had the most piercing blue eyes that seem to stare through you. He obviously took care of himself for his age. Very hard body. Always an Izod shirt and jeans, gold bracelet, gold watch. Always twenties on the bar, tipped well, drank Scotch Rocks. Chivas. Always polite. But never said much past hello.

Until one night, he looked at me as I put his drink on the bar, and he said, "So what's your deal?".

His name was Paul. He was in Securities. And he was into me. I was only 22 at the time, and he was in his late thirties. Scandalous I know! But I was attracted to older men at that time, and for quite some time after he was gone from my life.

I don't remember how I answered him the first time he had spoken, but I remember that no one had said that to me since. Until now. One little phrase brought back a flood of memories of that summer, and the man who treated me like gold. He had asked me on a beach abroad that summer to spend the rest of my life with him. Many times you wonder - what if? Had I spent my life with him, who would I be now?

Accounting

Seasonal rental share on Jersey shore house: $4500.00

Dinner with friends (Fresh Barnegat Bay scallops): $28.95

Six bottles of wine shared with friends: $83.00

Tracing your boyfriend's tan line with your tongue: Priceless

Oh good grief, not a post about him again.

What is it that attracts someone to someone else? I don't mean just "Wow, he's hot!", I mean truly attracted. By now you all know that I originally started talking about my boyfriend here as The College Boy.

He was a teaching assistant for one of my classes. I have known him for over two years, and it was only in the past six months that we have had a relationship.

Yes, the relationship part started out as just sex. Oh be quiet, I know I broke my own rule about not having sex with someone I was interested in seeing romantically. What I didn't realize, or maybe fooled myself into not acknowledging, was that I was romantically interested in him. I have been for a long time. Granted, he is younger, but only by a few years.

We have had a number of in-depth discussions, and as it turns out, I was the one being stalked and didn't know it. He was after me. For two years. And I didn't see it coming. I said my middle name was naive, but no one believed me.

I always thought he was just a safe friend, someone who I poured my heart out to over Kirk because he was distanced from my inner circle of friends and could be objective. What I didn't realize is that it was much more. On both sides. I started dating and was just not all that interested in the guys I was seeing. Supermarket guy was too controlling, etc etc.

And the whole time there he was, just waiting to see if I would ever feel the same about him. He is very intelligent. Intelligent enough to see what I couldn't. He has stolen my heart.

Life's a Beach

Well I am sorry to say that I have experienced a huge loss. My old Dell workhorse has gone home to the great god Chip.

I got home last week, powered him up, and...no boot. In my infinite wisdom I left my laptop here at the shore so, no blogging for Joey for the week.

So let's catch up. The week at home was hot. No not that kind of hot, I mean 90+ degree hot. Very odd for June, but then again the weather this year has been odd. Here at the shore however, it's been gorgeous. The days are in the 80s, but there is a wonderful sea breeze which keeps it feeling much cooler.

This weekend, no BF. I know he wanted to be here. He is as much a shore rat as me, but life prevailed. I share this house with two friends, so I wasn't alone. Next weekend HSNB will be down as well. Millions of fantasies are running through my mind let me tell you!

I'm sure some people would ask why I summer in the "Jersey Hamptons" instead of someplace more befitting my orientation. I've been to Rehobeth, and Fire Island. Lots of hot boys sure, but I would prefer to have my summer without all the pretense. I spend my week listening to people bitch and moan, and I don't want to spend my weekends with all of the drama!

Yes there are plenty of gay people here. I know most of them that are local, and the tourists I can usually pick out very quickly. Most of them seem to have the mindset I do, and most are couples. There are no gay bars or clubs on the island, but I've never run across any problems in the nightlife here.

I've been told I'm an assimilator. I don't agree. I'm just me, living my life the way I want. Amd these days, I'm absolutely loving it.

Am I Blue?

Not really. It's been a great great week. Work was, well okay it's work, but it was a good week. I'm really looking forward to the weekend. It's been pouring rain here all day, so I decided I would just head down the shore tomorrow (That's a Philly phrase by the way- pronounced dunnashore). The BF was originally going to drive down himself tomorrow, so this works out better.

We have tickets tomorrow night to see the musical "Shenandoah" at the Surflight theatre in Beach Haven. BF has never seen it. That's one of the nice things about him. I get to expose him - to theatre that is. He's been before, but not extensively, so it's mostly a new world to him. Lucky for him, and me, he enjoys it.

Do you like the new look? I thought it was time to do away with the darker look for summer. This pretty much fits my mood now anyway. I'll post this weekend if I can drag myself off the beach long enough!

To say it was a fabulous weekend would be an understatement. I really do not have the words to describe what it is like to be back at the shore. I left at 4:30 yesterday morning to make the 2.5 hours commute back to work, so as to avoid the hellish rush. I was at work early and even had a fantastic work day. I was "on". Code was flying out of my fingertips all day.

I had a house full of people over the weekend. Having all of my friends around me was sheer joy. Good food, good conversation, the official unveiling of the boyfriend (okay most know him already but this was different. No words to describe that either- at least not yet).

The best part of the weekend - morning beach walks alone. The closest thing to meditation I get. I feel extremely centered again.

There were some awkward moments, some sad moments, and one where I was in our favorite bakery down the street and ordered the danish that Kirk loves. Loved. And it hit me. A huge wave of loss and sadness. So danish and I went to the beach. I sat staring out at the water, tears streaming. By the time I finished the danish, his danish, I was laughing. We had done this together so many times in the past, and I just got the sense that he was there. And I knew he always would be in my heart. I knew coming back to this place, this house, would be tough. Little did I know it was what I needed most. I needed to let go. Finally.